full groan Flashcards
knock knock joke award
The no-bell prize
tough guy walking around the neighborhood thinking he’s got muscles …but really his nose is the biggest thing on him: he’s all nose and no body. What’s his name, ???
oh …now, “nobody knows”!? ;-D
I’m working on multiple streams of income. Most recent idea: coffins with glass tops. How do you think they’ll sell?
hmm… yeah …remains to be seen…
what did policeman say to his belly?
You’re under a vest!
why did scarecrow win award
he was out-standing in his field
why did invisible man turn down job offer?
He couldn’t see himself doing the job
why did invisible man turn down job offer?
He couldn’t see himself doing the job
why was he fired from calendar factory
took off too many days
why was he fired from calendar factory
took off too many days
how do lumberjacks keep track of how many trees they cut
keep a log
how do lumberjacks keep track of how many trees they cut
keep a log
why did painting go to jail?
it was framed
what time to go to dentist
just before tooth-hurty
best time to go to dentist?
just before tooth-hurty
why did cannibal stop eating clown?
tasted funny
why did cannibal stop eating clown?
tasted funny
why did man fall into well
he couldn’t see that well
why did man fall into well
he couldn’t see that well
why fired from bank?
pus
why did bank teller push the customer over?
pus
why did bank teller push the customer over?
pus
why did bank teller push the customer over?
asked to check his balance
why did bank teller push the customer over?
asked to check his balance
why did bank teller push the man over?
asked to check his balance
why did bank teller push the man over?
he asked to if (s)he could check his balance
why did bank teller push the man over?
he asked to if (s)he could check his balance
what does a house wear
address
what does a house wear
address
what’s red and smells like south-african spotted-blue paint?
south-african red paint
what’s red and smells like south-african spotted-blue paint?
south-african red paint
why not write with broken pencil?
pointless
why not write with broken pencil?
pointless
what do pirates say on their 80th birthday?
Aye Matey
what do pirates say on their 80th birthday?
Aye Matey
what undies do clouds wear
Thunderwear
what undies do clouds wear
Thunderwear
where do you take a sick boat
The doc(k)
where do you take a sick boat
The doc(k)
mountains aren’t just funny…
they’re hill areas!
mountains aren’t just funny…
they’re hill areas!
make a water bed more bouncy?
fill it with spring water
make a water bed more bouncy?
fill it with spring water
a belt with a clock on it
a waist of time
a belt with a clock on it
a waist of time
how does an Eskimo build his house?
Igloos it (mon’)
how does an Eskimo build his house?
Igloos it (mon’)
what to do if you’re attacked by a clown
go for the juggler
what to do if you’re attacked by a clown
go for the juggler
why hold the door for a clown?
it’s a nice jester
why hold the door for a clown?
nice jester
why hold the door for a clown?
nice jester
how do plants comfort each other
they photo-sympathize
how do plants comfort each other
they photo-sympathize
why no reservations at the library?
they’re completely booked
why can’t you make reservations at the library?
they’re completely booked
why can’t pirates play cards
always standing on the deck
why can’t pirates play cards
always standing on the deck
why do traffic lights turn red
wouldn’t you if you had to change in the middle of the street?
why do traffic lights turn red
wouldn’t you if you had to change in the middle of the street?
why did the elevator go to the doctor
coming down with something
why did the elevator go to the doctor
coming down with something
why are elevator jokes so good
they work on so many levels
why are elevator jokes so good
they work on so many levels
what’s a teacher who never passes gas in public?
a private tutor
what’s a teacher who never passes gas in public?
a private tutor
what happens when the fog lifts from los angeles
UCLA
what happens when the fog lifts from los angeles
UCLA
what has four wheels and flies
a garbage truck
what has four wheels and flies
a garbage truck
why shouldn’t you iron a 4-leaf clover
don’t want to press your luck
why shouldn’t you iron a 4-leaf clover
don’t want to press your luck
how’d the inventor of ballet skirts name them?
put tu and tu together
how’d the inventor of ballet outfits name them?
put tu and tu together
why’d plumber quit?
job was too draining
why’d plumber quit?
job was too draining
why couldn’t lumberjack think of a good tree-pun?
he was stumped
why couldn’t lumberjack think of a good tree-pun?
he was stumped
I just learned toasters arent waterproof
I was shocked
I just learned toasters arent waterproof
I was shocked
how many tickles does it take to make an octopus laugh?
ten …ticles
how many tickles does it take to make an octopus laugh?
ten …ticles
what kind of dog do magician’s own?
labracadabrador’s
what kind of dog do magician’s own?
labracadabrador’s
a deer with no eyes?
no idea
a deer with no eyes?
no idea
what’d the buffalo say to his son before going to work?
Bi-son
what’d the buffalo say to his son before going to work?
Bi-son
why don’t baby crabs share their toys?
they’re shellfish
why don’t baby crabs share their toys?
they’re shellfish
what do you call a cow with two-left, -right, -front or -back legs?
lean beef
what do you call a cow with two-left, -right, -front or -back legs?
lean beef
a cow with no legs
ground beef
a cow with no legs
ground beef
what’d horse say when he fell?
I’ve fallen and I can’t giddy-up
what’d horse say when he fell?
I’ve fallen and I can’t giddy-up
why do chicken coops have 2 doors?
if they had 4 they’d be chicken sedans
why do chicken coops have 2 doors?
if they had 4 they’d be chicken sedans
why’d the pony need a drink of water
it was a little horse
why’d the pony need a drink of water
it was a little horse
my wife actually told me to stop acting like a flamingo!!
that’s when I put my foot down!
my wife actually told me to stop acting like a flamingo!!
that’s when I put my foot down!
why couldn’t the puppies row the boat?
they needed a doggie paddle
why couldn’t the puppies row the boat?
they needed a doggie paddle
two octopuses that lookalike?
Itenticle
two octopuses that lookalike?
Itenticle
where does a sick fish go?
To see the sturgeon
where does a sick fish go?
To see the sturgeon
what does Loch Ness eat?
Fish and Ships
what does Loch Ness eat?
Fish-n-Ships
where can you find a crab with no legs
exactly where you left it
where can you find a crab with no legs
exactly where you left it
a lazy kangaroo is?
a pouch potato
a lazy kangaroo is?
a pouch potato
