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Marriage and Family Counselling > Final Exam > Flashcards

Final Exam Flashcards

1
Q

What is involved in developing intimate human relationships?

A
  • Self - awareness
  • Self - acceptance
  • Self - disclosing
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2
Q

Stages and characteristics of intimate relationships.

A
  1. The invitational stage
  2. The exploration stage
  3. The intensifying stage
  4. The revising stage
  5. The bonding stage
  6. The navigating stage
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3
Q

Problems that block us in family counselling.

A
  1. Naivety - Not knowing much due to our circumstances
  2. Denial - A radical reluctance to what what goes on in our souls
  3. Complexity - Marriage and family problems are rarely simple and we must be willing to go into hard places with each couple
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4
Q

Optimum family roles

A

Roles are repetitive patterns of individual behaviour that serve a purpose.
Optimal family roles:
1. Clear differentiation exists between the roles of parent, child and spouse.
2. Roles may be shares, reversed, or changed depending on the situation
3. New roles can be tried out or old ones can be modified
4. The roles taken by family members compliment one another
5. Consistency
6. Parents share child care

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5
Q

Optimum emotional expression

A

Emotional expression refers to the notion that each family has an emotional tome that is based on the degree of emotional expressiveness, sensitivity and responsiveness family members share with each other
Optimal family emotional expression:
1. The overall emotional tone of the family is positive
2. Family members are sensitive to one another’s feelings
3. The rules for expressing emotion are clear, and the expression of emotion tends to be spontaneous
4. Expression of negative emotion is allowed as well as sensitivity towards others
5. The amount of expressiveness is high, with laughter, humour and warmth evident
6. Open and unresolved hostility is absent

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6
Q

Optimal family individualization

A
  1. Each individual has separate values
  2. Family members discuss individual problems and understand and support on another.
  3. Different value systems are tolerated in the family however, central values concerning sexuality, money, religion, work ethic and family loyalty are jointly held.
  4. Cooperation rather than competition is a family value
  5. Interpersonal relationship with non-family members are approved of as long as family routine is not disturbed
  6. Take responsibility for own opinion
  7. Differences of opinion are tolerated, and mutual agreement is frequently the product of discussions
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7
Q

Optimum family power

A

Power can be defined as the degree of influence or control family members have over each other

  1. Everyone has input in to the family decisions
  2. Family members seek and take leadership in different aspects of family life, and other family members willingly follow such leadership
  3. Power in the family in centralized in the family dyad
  4. Family rules are enforced through persuasion rather than through intimidation or force
  5. There is little hostile behaviour, conflicts tend to be open and can be resolved quickly
  6. Except for the parental dyad, collations among family members are open and short term
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8
Q

Optimum family communication

A

Communication is concerned with the delivery and reception of verbal and non-verbal information between family members. It includes skills in exchanging patterns of information within the family system.

  1. A high volume of information seeking and sharing occurs between family members
  2. non-verbal and verbal messages are congruent, and the intent of each message is clear and open
  3. Silence is infrequent, and the family deals with a wide range of topics
  4. Conflicts are resolved through discussion
  5. Most family communication is positive in tone
  6. All capable of using problem solving statements that encourage efficient results
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9
Q

Optimal subsystems

A

Types of subsystem include: Parent, spouse and sibling groups

  1. The boundaries between the parental, spousal and sibling subsystems are clear
  2. Each subsystem preforms its functions adequately
  3. There are strong emotional bonds between subsystems and between the individuals within the subsystems
  4. The parental subsystem leads the family and must hold the most power
  5. Individuals within subsystems participate in shared activities
  6. Coalitions across subsystems form
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10
Q

Marriage counselling procedures (Session 1)

A

Session 1: Clarification, assessment and structuring
Goals for first hour:
1. Determine major areas of conflict
2. Identify wrong patterns of behaviour
3. Specific guidelines:
a. What is going on in their emotions?
b. Look at events to find problems
c. How fast can you move?
d. Is the couple conceptually bright
e. Get a feel for understanding their lives
f. Tune in to your instincts. (Is it solvable?)
- Let them know what they are in for. Obtain a specific # of sessions commitment.

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11
Q

Marriage counselling procedures (Session 2)

A

Session 2: look at their layers as they interact with each other. what emotions dominate?

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12
Q

Marriage counselling procedures (Session 3)

A
  • Exploration of patterns and diagnosis of hardness
  • By this time you should have some idea of the answer to the question: “How hard are they?”
  • How much anger, contempt, blaming and shaming is going on?
  • At this time you may notice some significant movement towards one another.
  • It is at this point that the counsellor will need to assess weather individual therapy is necessary or if the couple would continue to meet together.
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13
Q

Marriage counselling procedures (Session 4)

A

If there is no movement towards one another, session 4 is where you would schedule an individual session where you would meet each spouse individually

  • Check for hidden datas
  • There is probably clear, overt sin present if there is not movement happening in the relationship
  • Do not ever have more than 3-5 individual sessions with each spouse… they need to be kept in the process
  • Try to confirm specifics of what their spiritual life is like
  • If it is not present, try to promote it.
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14
Q

Marriage counselling procedures (Session 5)

A
  • Review the situation
  • Explore reasons for movement or lack of change
  • Evaluate progress the couple expected
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15
Q

Marriage counselling procedures (Session 6)

A
  • Once you are beyond session 6, the counsellor is making a very significant commitment to the couple.
    It enters the realm of marriage and mentoring
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16
Q

Wrong patterns of behaviour to look for

A

Predicts divorce through:

  1. Harsh startups
  2. Existence of the 4 horsemen:
    a. Criticism
    b. Contempt
    c. Defensivness
    d. Stonewalling
  3. Flooding
  4. Body language
  5. Failed repair attempts
  6. Bad memories
17
Q

Gottman’s four final stages that signal death of a relationship

A
  1. The couple sees their marital problems as severe
  2. Talking things over seems useless
  3. The couple starts leading parallel lives
  4. Loneliness sets in
18
Q

How to discern what should be shared with a spouse

A
  • Ask the therapist, ask yourself
  • Is the person willing to share for redemptive purposes
    a. Is it ministry?
    b. Is it to dump or get off their chest?
    c. Neither spouse should be the burden bearer of past issues. Consequences of past events must be accepted with no other relief except the knowledge that God forgives me.
19
Q

Causes of sexual difficulties

A

a. Specific intra-psychic issues - for example a wife may have been molested as a child
b. Interpersonal issues - no spirit an soul oneness
c. Techniques issues - a core ignorance of sexuality

20
Q

What should be included in premarital counselling?

A
  1. A discussion on what marriage is
  2. Teaching on uniqueness and acceptance
  3. A discussion on what love is
  4. A discussion on how to resolve conflict
  5. A discussion on the expectations of marriage
  6. A discussion on the goals of and in the marriage
  7. A discussion on the fulfilling of needs in a marriage
  8. A discussion of roles, responsibilities and decision making
  9. A discussion on how each is going to handle the others family
  10. A discussion on communication
  11. A discussion on finances
  12. A discussion on sex and family planning
21
Q

Self- awareness

A
  1. There are things you know about yourself that others do not know.
  2. Theres are things others know about you that you may not be aware of.
  3. It takes great energy to hide info
  4. The more information is known about you, the clearer self-awareness will be
  5. The more self-disclosing of you, the lesser hidden areas
  6. The more that others disclose to you about their observations of you, the less blind areas.
    - = more that is known in all areas; the less unknown there will be in your life.
22
Q

Rules that enforce shame

A
  1. Be blind - Relinquish your own perceptions of reality
  2. Be quiet - Don’t talk about what happened in the family
  3. Be numb - Family disapproved emotions
  4. Be careful - Don’t trust others. You can only trust you
  5. Be good - Do not be a real human child
23
Q

Dysfunctional definition of “good” children

A
  1. Never inconvenience parents
  2. Never have personal needs
  3. Never lose at anything (unless to the parent) or get less than an “A” in school
  4. Know how to do everything perfectly without being taught
  5. Never have a critical or separate thought
  6. Never remember anything but happy times
24
Q

Five levels of communication

A 
Level 5: Small talk
Level 4: Factual conversation
Level 3: Ideas and opinions 
Level 2: Feelings and emotions
Level 1: Deep insight
25
Q

Family functioning comparison - Healthy family

A
  1. Parents do not expect their child to be perfect
  2. Parents are consistently adequate since they admit personal problems and seek help to resolve them
  3. Parents expect family problems, so when they come, they focus on problem solving
  4. Parents consistently tell the truth about what is happening in and around the family
26
Q

Family functioning comparison - Unhealthy family

A
  1. Parents believe they should be perfect- So they are shame bound. “You can have problems but I can not.”
  2. Parents are significantly impaired since they either acknowledge personal problems not seek help from them
  3. Parents think the family should be problem free, so when problems come, they focus on appearance management
  4. Parents consistently distort and deny what is happening in and around the family to conceal the problems.
27
Q

Self- acceptance

A
  1. From a Christian perspective, self-acceptance means understanding that you are a sinner saved by grace, through the shed blood of Jesus Christ. Therefore, in the sight of God, you are special, worthy and acceptable.
  2. Self-accepting brings personal growth in all dimensions of life (spiritually, socially, emotionally, physically and intellectually)
  3. Self-accepting is built by knowing that others are accepting of you
  4. If you are self accepting, others are more likely to accept you in this way
  5. To increase you self acceptance (of whom God made you to be), you must disclose in order to let people know you and experience acceptance by them
  6. A self-accepting person in Christ, presents the following behaviour picture:
    - Believe strongly in certain values
    - Do not spend undue time worrying
    - Confidence when dealing with problems
    - Do not see themselves as superior or inferior
    - Made as interesting and valuable by God
    - Will not be dominated but can be submissive
    - Sensitive to the needs of others
28
Q

Self-disclosing

A
  1. In order for me to know you, you must know yourself
  2. In order for you to feel free to disclose yourself to me, you must accept and appreciate yourself
  3. Self-disclosing is revealing how you are reacting to events you both experience or to what the other person says or does
  4. Hiding your reactions from others due to fear of rejection and conflict or through feelings of shame and guilt leads to loneliness
  5. Being silent is not being strong. Strength is taking risks
  6. The more self-disclosing an individual is to their spouse, the more the individual will love you.
  7. Self-disclosing means being honest, genuine and authentic.

Marriage and Family Counselling (1 decks)

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