Feeling Good

Question 1

Burns Depression Checklist check table pg 35

Answer 1

Table 2–2. Interpreting the Burns Depression Checklist

Total Score
Level of Depression*

0–5
no depression

6–10
normal but unhappy

11–25
mild depression

26–50
moderate depression

51–75
severe depression

76–100
extreme depression

*Anyone with a persistent score above 10 may benefit from professional treatment. Anyone with suicidal feelings should seek an immediate consultation with a mental health

take the BDC test at regular intervals to assess your progress objectively suggest a minimum of once a week

Question 2

Bad feelings

Answer 2

Every bad feeling you have is the result of your distorted negative thinking. Illogical pessimistic attitudes play the central role in the development and continuation of all your symptoms.
Intense negative thinking always accompanies a depressive episode, or any painful emotion for that matter.
that the negative thoughts that flood your mind are the actual cause of your self-defeating emotions.These thoughts are what keep you lethargic and make you feel inadequate.your negative thinking has become such a part of your life that it has become automatic. For this reason I call negative thoughts “automatic thoughts.” They run through your mind automatically without the slightest effort on your part to put them there

Question 3

10 Definitions of Cognitive Distortions. 1 All-or-Nothing Thinking/Dichotomous thinking

Answer 3

1. All-or-Nothing Thinking/Dichotomous thinking All-or-nothing thinking forms the basis for perfectionism. It causes you to fear any mistake or imperfection because you will then see yourself as a complete loser, and you will feel inadequate and worthless.
   This way of evaluating things is unrealistic because life is rarely completely either one way or the other. If you try to force your experiences into absolute categories, you will be constantly depressed because your perceptions will not conform to reality

Question 4

2. Overgeneralization

Answer 4

You arbitrarily conclude that one thing that happened to you once will occur over and over again

Question 5

3 Mental Filter, /selective abstraction

Answer 5

. You pick out a negative detail in any situation and dwell on it exclusively, thus perceiving that the whole situation is negative. When you are depressed, you wear a pair of eyeglasses with special lenses that filter out anything positive.

Question 6

Disqualifying the Positive

Answer 6

An even more spectacular mental illusion is the persistent tendency of some depressed individuals to transform neutral or even positive experiences into negative ones
An everyday example of this would be the way most of us have been conditioned to respond to compliments.
The hypothesis that dominates your depressive thinking is usually some version of “I’m second-rate.” Whenever you have a negative experience, you dwell on it and conclude, “That proves what I’ve known all along.”
you have a positive experience, you tell yourself, “That was a fluke. It doesn’t count.” The price you pay for this tendency is intense misery and an inability to appreciate the good things that happens

Question 7

Jumping to Conclusions. Ex- “ mind reading” and “the fortune teller error.”

Answer 7

You arbitrarily jump to a negative conclusion that is not justified by the facts of the situation. Two examples of this are “ mind reading” and “the fortune teller error.”
MIND READING: You make the assumption that other people are looking down on you, and you’re so convinced about this that you don’t even bother to check it out..
THE FORTUNE TELLER ERROR: It’s as if you had a crystal ball that foretold only misery for you.You imagine that something bad is about to happen, and you take this prediction as a fact even though it is unrealistic
During a therapy session an acutely depressed physician explained to me why he was giving up his practice: “I realize I’ll be depressed forever. My misery will go on and on, and I’m absolutely convinced that this or any treatment will be doomed to failure.” This negative prediction about his prognosis caused him to feel hopeless. His symptomatic improvement soon after initiating therapy indicated just how off-base his fortune telling had been.

Question 8

Magnification and Minimization

Answer 8

either blowing things up out of proportion or shrinking them
Magnification commonly occurs when you look at your own errors, fears, or imperfections and exaggerate their importance
When you think about your strengths, you may do the opposite—look through the wrong end of the binoculars so that things look small and unimportant. If you magnify your imperfections and minimize your good points, you’re guaranteed to feel inferior. But the problem isn’t you—it’s the crazy lenses you’re wearing.

Question 9

Emotional Reasoning

Answer 9

You take your emotions as evidence for the truth. This kind of reasoning is misleading because your feelings reflect your thoughts and beliefs. If they are distorted—as is quite often the case—your emotions will have no validity

Question 10

Should Statements/musturbation

Answer 10

You try to motivate yourself by saying, “I should do this. Paradoxically, you end up feeling apathetic and unmotivated
. Should statements generate a lot of unnecessary emotional turmoil in your daily life. When you direct should statements toward others, you will usually feel frustrated. When the all-too-human performance of other people falls short of your expectations, as will inevitably happen from time to time, you’ll feel bitter

Question 11

Labeling and Mislabeling

Answer 11

Personal labeling means creating a completely negative self-image based on your errorsLabeling yourself is not only self-defeating, it is irrational. Your self cannot be equated with any one thing you do. Your life is a complex and ever-changing flow of thoughts, emotions, and actions

Mislabeling involves describing an event with words that are inaccurate and emotionally heavily loaded

Question 12

Personalization

Answer 12

You assume responsibility for a negative even when there is no basis for doing so. You arbitrarily conclude that what happened was your fault or reflects your inadequacy, even when you were not responsible for it.
Personalization causes you to feel crippling guilt. You suffer from a paralyzing and burdensome sense of responsibility that forces you to carry the whole world on your shoulders. You have confused influence with control over others
In your role as physician you will certainly influence the people you interact with, but no one could reasonably expect you to control them. What the other person does is ultimately his or her responsibility, not yours.

Question 13

Summary of Definitions of Cognitive Distortions

Answer 13

1. ALL-OR-NOTHING THINKING: You see things in black-and-white categories. If your performance falls short of perfect, you see yourself as a total failure.
2. OVERGENERALIZATION: You see a single negative event as a never-ending pattern of defeat.
3. MENTAL FILTER: You pick out a single negative detail and dwell on it exclusively so that your vision of all reality becomes darkened, like the drop of ink that colors the entire beaker of water.
   DISQUALIFYING THE POSITIVE: You reject positive experiences by insisting they “don’t count” for some reason or other. In this way you can maintain a negative belief that is contradicted by your everyday experiences.
4. JUMPING TO CONCLUSIONS: You make a negative interpretation even though there are no definite facts that convincingly support your conclusion.

a. Mind reading. You arbitrarily conclude that someone is reacting negatively to you, and you don’t bother to check this out.
b. The Fortune Teller Error. You anticipate that things will turn out badly, and you feel convinced that your prediction is an already-established fact.

6. MAGNIFICATION (CATASTROPHIZING) OR MINIMIZATION: You exaggerate the importance of things (such as your goof-up or someone else’s achievement), or you inappropriately shrink things until they appear tiny (your own desirable qualities or the other fellow’s imperfections). This is also called the “binocular trick.”
7. EMOTIONAL REASONING: You assume that your negative emotions necessarily reflect the way things really are: “I feel it, therefore it must be true.”
8. SHOULD STATEMENTS: You try to motivate yourself with shoulds and shouldn’ts, as if you had to be whipped and punished before you could be expected to do anything. “Musts” and “oughts” are also offenders. The emotional consequence is guilt. When you direct should statements toward others, you feel anger, frustration, and resentment.
9. LABELING AND MISLABELING: This is an extreme form of overgeneralization. Instead of describing your error, you attach a negative label to yourself: “I’m a loser.” When someone else’s you attach a negative label to him: “He’s a goddam louse.” Mislabeling involves describing an event with language that is highly colored and emotionally loaded.
10. PERSONALIZATION: You see yourself as me cause of some negative external event which in fact you were not primarily responsible for.

Question 14

your feelings are not facts

Answer 14

your feelings are not facts! In fact, your feelings, per se, don’t even count—except as a mirror of the way you are thinking. If your perceptions make no sense, the feelings they create will be as absurd as the images reflected in the trick mirrors at an amusement park. But these abnormal emotions feel just as valid and realistic as the genuine feelings created by undistorted thoughts, so you automatically attribute truth to them. This is why depression is such a powerful form of mental black magic

Question 15

invite depression

Answer 15

Once you invite depression through an “automatic” series of cognitive distortions, your feelings and actions will reinforce each other in a self-perpetuating vicious cycle. Because you believe whatever your depressed brain tells you, you find yourself feeling negative about almost everything
This reaction occurs in milliseconds, too quickly for you even to be aware of it. The negative emotion feels realistic and in turn lends an aura of credibility to the distorted thought which created it. The cycle goes on and on, and you are eventually trapped. The mental prison is an illusion, a hoax you have inadvertently created, but it seems real because it feels real.

Question 16

Goal

Answer 16

avoid painful feelings based on mental distortions, because they are neither valid nor desirable

once you have learned how to perceive life more realistically you will experience an enhanced emotional life with a greater appreciation for genuine sadness—which lacks distortion—as well as joy.

Question 17

Depressed pt

Answer 17

that depressed patients see themselves as deficient in the very qualities they value most highly: intelligence, achievement, popularity, attractiveness, health, and strength.

He said a depressed self-image can be characterized by the four D’s: You feel Defeated, Defective, Deserted, and Deprived.

Almost all negative emotional reactions inflict their damage only as a result of low self-esteem

during periods of depression you lose some of your capacity for clear thinking; you have trouble putting things into proper perspective

. Negative events grow in importance until they dominate your entire reality—and you can’t really tell that what is happening is distorted.

It all seems very real to you. The illusion of hell you create is very convincing.

The more depressed and miserable you feel, the more twisted your thinking becomes. And, conversely, in the absence of mental distortion, you cannot experience low self-worth or depression

Question 18

Maladaptive belief to others

Answer 18

In many cases you will be so persuasive and persistent in your maladaptive belief that you are defective and no good, you may lead your friends, family, and even your therapist into accepting this idea of yourself.

Question 19

Worth

Answer 19

First, you cannot earn worth through what you do. Achievements can bring you satisfaction but not happiness. Self-worth based on accomplishments is a “pseudo-esteem,” not the genuine thing!

My many successful but depressed patients would all agree. Nor can you base a valid sense of self-worth on your looks, talent, fame, or fortune. Marilyn Monroe, Mark Rothko, Freddie Prinz, and a multitude of famous suicide victims attest to this grim truth.

Nor can love, approval, friendship, or a capacity for close, caring human relationships add one iota to your inherent worth.

The great majority of depressed individuals are in fact very much loved, but it doesn’t help one bit because self-love and self-esteem are missing. At the bottom line, only your own sense of self-worth determines how you feel

Question 20

Specific Methods for Boosting Self-Esteem

Talk Back to That Internal Critic

Answer 20

Train yourself to recognize and write down the self-critical thoughts as they go through your mind;
b.Learn why these thoughts are distorted; and
c.Practice talking back to them so as to develop a more realistic self-evaluation system

Question 21

What is the key to releasing yourself from your emotional prison

Answer 21

Your thoughts create your emotions; therefore, your emotions cannot prove that your thoughts are accurate. Unpleasant feelings merely indicate that you are thinking something negative and believing it

Your feelings are inconsequential. . In fact, to the extent that your negative emotions are based on mental distortion are unwanted.

Question 22

Delusion of depression and zero self worth

Answer 22

You end so persuasive and persistent in your maladaptive belief that you are defective and no good, you may lead your friends, family, and even your therapist into accepting this idea of yourself.

Question 23

Exercises

Answer 23

Commit some regular time and effort to this program, you can expect success proportionate to the effort you put in

work at the triple-column technique for fifteen minutes every day over a period of a month or two, you will find it gets easier and easier. Don’t be afraid to ask other people how they would answer an upsetting thought if you can’t figure out the appropriate rational response on your own.

Question 24

Talk Back to That Internal Critic

Answer 24

In order to overcome this bad mental habit, three steps are necessary:
a.Train yourself to recognize and write down the self-critical thoughts as they go through your mind;
b.Learn why these thoughts are distorted; and
c.Practice talking back to them so as to develop a more realistic self-evaluation system.

Question 25

“triple-column technique

Answer 25

draw two lines down the center of a piece of paper to divide it into thirds

Label the left-hand column “Automatic Thoughts
(Self-Criticism),”- write down all those hurtful self-criticisms you make when you are feeling worthless and down on yourself. Do not use words describing your emotional reactions in the Automatic Thought column. Just write the thoughts that created the emotion

the middle column “Cognitive Distortion,”Using the list of ten cognitive distortions see if you can identify the thinking errors in each of your negative automatic thoughts.

the right-hand column “Rational Response (Self-Defense).”substituting a more rational, less upsetting thought in the right-hand column try to recognize the truth.This rational response can take into account what was illogical and erroneous about your self-critical automatic thought.

Question 26

Emotional accounting

Answer 26

quite helpful to do some “emotional accounting” before and after you use the triple-column technique to determine how much your feelings actually improve

. You can do this very easily if you record how upset you are between 0 and 100 percent before you pinpoint and answer your automatic thoughts

Question 27

Mental Biofeedback

Answer 27

monitoring your negative thoughts with a wrist counter
Click the button each time a negative thought about yourself crosses your mind
note your daily total score and write it down in a log book

Question 28

When you are down on yourself

Answer 28

ask what you actually mean when you try to define your true identity with a negative label

Once you pick these destructive labels apart, you will find they are arbitrary and meaningless
They actually cloud the issue, creating confusion and despair. Once rid of them, you can define and cope with any real problems that exist.

Question 29

When you are experiencing a blue mood

Answer 29

you will experience a severe emotional reaction of despair and self-hatred
You may become inactive and paralyzed, afraid and unwilling to participate in the normal flow of life

Question 30

Blue mood solution

Answer 30

Stop telling yourself you are worthless

Human life is an ongoing process that involves a constantly changing physical body as well as an enormous number of rapidly changing thoughts, feelings, and behaviors.

Your life therefore is an evolving experience, a continual flow.

Abstract labels such as “worthless” or “inferior” communicate nothing and mean nothing.

Question 31

how to develop a sense of self-esteem

Answer 31

You don’t have to do anything especially worthy to create or deserve self

Turn off that critical, haranguing, inner voice

Question 32

Three crucial steps when you are upset

Answer 32

Zero in on those automatic negative thoughts and write them down. Write them on paper

Read over the list of ten cognitive distortions

Substitute a more objective thought that puts the lie to the one which made you look down on yourself.

Question 33

Most destructive aspects of depression

Answer 33

Any activity appears so difficult that you become overwhelmed by the urge to do nothing

lack of productivity aggravates your self-hatred, resulting in further isolation and incapacitation.

Question 34

The Lethargy Cycle.

Answer 34

Your self-defeating negative thoughts make you feel miserable.

Your painful emotions in turn convince you that your distorted, pessimistic thoughts are actually valid.

Similarly, self-defeating thoughts and actions reinforce each other in a circular manner.

The unpleasant consequences of do-nothingism make your problems even worse.

Evernote table

Question 35

modify your self-defeating mental set

Answer 35

Stop the self-defeating attitudes that represent the core of your motivational problem

Question 36

mind-sets most commonly associated with procrastination and do-nothingism

Answer 36

Hopelessness - frozen in the pain of the present moment that you forget entirely that you ever felt better in the past and find it inconceivable that you might feel more positive in the future

Undervaluing the Rewards

you may fail to initiate any meaningful activity not only because you conceive of any task as terribly difficult, but also because you feel the reward simply wouldn’t be worth the effort.

Helplessness - convinced that your moods are caused by factors beyond your control, such as fate, hormone cycles, dietary factors, luck, and other people’s evaluations of you.

Overwhelming Yourself - magnify a task to the degree that it seems impossible to tackle

distract yourself from the task at hand obsessing about endless other things you haven’t gotten around to doing yet

When you think about all the things you are putting off, you do this very same thing without being aware of it.

Jumping to Conclusions

sense that it’s not within your power to take effective action that will result in satisfaction because you are in the habit of saying, “I can’t

Self labeling
. The more you procrastinate, the more you condemn yourself as inferior
This causes you to see your lack of effective action as the “real you” so that you automatically expect little or nothing from yourself.

Under valuing the rewards
fail to initiate any meaningful activity not only because you conceive of any task as terribly difficult, but also because you feel the reward simply wouldn’t be worth the effort

Perfectionism
defeat yourself with inappropriate goals an standards. You will settle for nothing short of a magnificent performance in anything you do, so you frequently end up having to settle for just that—nothing

Fear of Failure
you imagine that putting in the effort and not succeeding would be an overwhelming personal defeat, you refuse to try at all.

when you evaluate your performance exclusively on the outcome regardless of your individual effort. pride myself on good consistent work regardless of the outcome

learn to evaluate my work based on the process rather than on the product. If a patient gives me a negative report, I try to learn from it. If I did make an error, I attempt to correct it, but I don’t need to jump out the window

Question 37

Mindsets associated wih do nothing contd

Answer 37

Fear of Success
You lack confidence therefore you feel if success achieved you it is just luck
You avoid taking risks or more responsibility because you don’t want expectations of yourself to be higher therefore seems sabotaging yourself

Fear of Disapproval or Criticism
any mistake or flub will be met with strong disapproval and criticism because the people you care about won’t accept you

Coercion and Resentment
feel under intense pressure to perform when you try to motivate yourself with moralistic “shoulds”

you feel obliged, burdened, tense, resentful, and guilty

as you procrastinate, you condemn yourself as a lazy, no-good bum. This further drains your energies.

Low Frustration Tolerance/Entitlement syndrome

go into a frenzied state of panic and rage when life presents you with obstacles.
Rather than persist patiently over a period of time,
when things get tough, so you give up completely.
Your frustration results from your habit of comparing reality with an ideal in your head
change your expectations than to bend and twist reality

illusion that such punishing, demanding statements will help you by driving you on to try harder and to put out more effort. It rarely works this way. The frustration just adds to your sense of futility and increases your urge to give up and do nothing

. Guilt and Self-blame. frozen in the conviction you are bad or have let others down, you will naturally feel unmotivated to pursue your daily life

Question 38

If you do nothing

Answer 38

you will become preoccupied with the flood of negative, destructive thoughts

Question 39

If you do something,

Answer 39

you will be temporarily distracted from that internal dialogue of self-denigration.

more important, the sense of mastery you will experience will disprove many of the distorted thoughts that slowed you down in the first place

Question 40

The Daily Activity Schedule

Answer 40

Prospective column - write out an hour-by-hour plan for what you would like to accomplish each day

At the end of the day, fill out the Retrospective column. Record in each time slot what you actually did during the day

label each activity with the letter M for mastery or the letter P for pleasure.

Mastery activities are those which represent some accomplishment

for each activity, estimate the actual amount of pleasure, or the degree of difficulty in the task by using a zero to five rating

If any activity was pleasurable in the past when you were not depressed, but today it was nearly or totally devoid of pleasure, put a P-½ or a P-0. Some activities, such as cooking dinner, can be labeled M and P.

develop a balanced program that provides for enjoyable leisure activities as well as work.If you adhere to the schedule, you will find your motivation increasing.

especially helpful for a common syndrome I call the “weekend/holiday blues.” This is a pattern of depression most often reflected in people who are single and have their greatest emotional difficulties when aloneif you are willing to care for yourself, you may suddenly notice that others will act more interested in you as well!

Question 41

Antiprocrastination sheet

Answer 41

If habitually avoiding a particular activity. Using the Antiprocrastination Sheet, you can train yourself to test these negative predictions.

Write down on a column avoided activities- break it down into a series of small steps so that each one can be completed in fifteen minutes or less

write down in the next column how difficult you predict each step of the task will be, using a 0-to-100 percent scale

next column, write down your prediction of how satisfying and rewarding it will be to complete each phase of the task, again using the percentage system

go ahead and complete the first step of the task. After you’ve completed each step, take note of how difficult it actually turned out to be, as well as the amount of pleasure you gained from doing

Question 42

Daily Record of Dysfunctional Thoughts

Answer 42

when you are overwhelmedwrite down the thoughts that run through your mind when you think about a particular task. This will immediately show you what your problem is. Then write down appropriate rational responses that show these thoughts are unrealistic. This will help you mobilize enough energy to take that first difficult step. Once you’ve done that, you will gain momentum and be on your way

write down upsetting thoughts. If you try to figure them out in your head, you will in all probability get nowhere because the thoughts that stymie you are slippery and complex. When you try to talk back to them, they’ll come at you even harder from all angles with such speed that you won’t even know what hit you. But when you write them down, they become exposed to the light of reason. This way you can reflect on them, pinpoint the distortions, and come up with some helpful answers

Question 43

self-defeating attitudes

Answer 43

there is no point in doing anything productive if she is alone. Because of this belief, she does nothing and feels miserable, which just confirms her attitude that it’s terrible to be alone.

Question 44

Solution to self defeating attitude

Answer 44

Pleasure-Predicting Sheet-schedule a number of activities that contain a potential for personal growth or satisfaction. Do some of them by yourself and some with others.

predict how satisfying each will be—between 0 and 100 percent. Then go and do them. In the Actual Satisfaction column, write down how enjoyable each activity really turned out to be. You may be surprised to learn that things you do on your own are more gratifying than you thought.

Question 45

Pleasure-Predicting Sheet to test a number of assumptions you might make that lead to procrastination.

Answer 45

I can’t enjoy anything when I’m alone.
2.There’s no point in doing anything because I failed at something important to me (e.g., I didn’t get the job or promotion I had my heart set on).
3.Since I’m not rich, successful, or famous, I can’t really enjoy things to the hilt.
4.I can’t enjoy things unless I’m the center of attention.
5.Things won’t be particularly satisfying unless I can do them perfectly (or successfully).
6.I wouldn’t feel very fulfilled if I did just a part of my work. I’ve got to get it all done today.

If, however, you check them out using the Pleasure-Predicting Sheet, you may be amazed to learn that life can offer you enormous fulfillment. Help yourself!,

Question 46

If you find out they are just as unpleasant as I had anticipated

Answer 46

try noting your negative thoughts and write them down, answering them with the Daily Record of Dysfunctional Thoughts

other people’s thoughts do not affect your mood one iota.

Question 47

But-Rebuttal Method

Answer 47

“I really should, BUT I’m just not in the mood.” Record this in the But column.
Now fight back by writing a But Rubuttal: “I’ll feel more like it once I get started. When I’m done, I’ll feel terrific.”
Your next impulse will probably be to dream up a new objection: “BUT it’s so long it will take forever.”
Now fight back with a new rebuttal, as shown in Figure 5–6, and continue this process until you’ve run out of excuses

Question 48

to Endorse Yourself

Answer 48

Do you frequently convince yourself that what you do doesn’t count?

To reverse this destructive tendency, a good first step would be to pinpoint the self-downing thoughts that cause you to feel this way in the first place

Talk back to these thoughts and replace them with ones that are more objective and self-endorsing.

practice consciously endorsing yourself all day long for the things you do even if they seem trivial. You may not feel a pleasant emotional lift in the beginning, but keep practicing even if it seems mechanical.

After a few days you will begin to experience some mood lift, and you will feel more pride about what you’re doing

make a written or mental list of the things you do each day. Then give yourself a mental credit for each of them, however small

Question 49

TIC-TOC Technique

Answer 49

TICs, or Task-Interfering Cognitions, will lose much of their power over you if you simply write them down and substitute more adaptive TOCs, or Task-Oriented Cognitions, using double column technique

Your procrastination and time-wasting will give way to action and creativity.

Question 50

Negative imagination

Answer 50

When you avoid a task, you probably automatically fantasize about it in a negative, defeatist fashion.

you have effectively programmed yourself to behave just this way, and you’re such a nervous wreck it turns out just as badly as you had imagined!

Question 51

Principle to apply for imagination

Answer 51

If you dare to give it a try, here’s a solution: For ten minutes every night before you go to sleep, imagine that you appear confident

your expectations and mood will profoundly influence what actually does happen.

Question 52

learning to break any proposed task down into its tiny component parts

Answer 52

This will combat your tendency to overwhelm yourself by dwelling on all the things you have to do.

Break the task down into its smallest component parts. decide to listen for only three minutes, and then take a one-minute break to daydream intensively

listen for another three minutes, and do not entertain any distracting thoughts for this brief period. Then give yourself another one-minute break to daydream.

This technique will enable you to maintain a more effective level of overall concentration. Giving yourself permission to dwell on distracting thoughts for short periods will diminish their power over you

Question 53

Time limitation

Answer 53

Decide how much time you will devote to a particular task, and then stop at the end of the allotted time and go on to something more enjoyable, whether or not you’re finished

The first step is to decide how much time to spend on any work each day.
Don’t worry if task isn’t completed or perfect

Budget the rest of the day to activities you enjoy.

Have the courage to walk away from an unfinished task! You may be amazed that you will experience a substantial increase in your productivity and mood, and your procrastination may become a thing of the past.

Question 54

Depression truths

Answer 54

Our depression is due in part to the fact that we aren’t pursuing goals because we don’t believe in ourself.

Instead of acknowledging and confronting fears of taking risks, you blame lack of direction on external factors and other people

Question 55

Motivation Without Coercion

Answer 55

Musturbation- undermine what you attempt by flagellating yourself with so many “oughts,” “shoulds,” and “musts” that you end up drained of any desire to get moving. You are defeating yourself by the way you kill yourself to get moving

eliminate those coercive words from your vocabulary.

If you translate shoulds into wants, you will be treating yourself with a sense of respect. produces a feeling of freedom of choice and personal dignity. You will find that a reward system works better and lasts longer than a whip. a reward system works better and lasts longer than a whip. Ask yourself, “What do I want to do? What course of action would be to my best advantage?”. you will find that this way of looking at things will enhance your motivation.

Question 56

Nagging family and friends

Answer 56

. Your sense of paralysis will be intensified if your family and friends are in the habit of pushing and cajoling you.

Their nagging should statements reinforce the insulting thoughts already echoing through your head

by someone trying to boss you around, you will naturally tighten up and resist so as to maintain your equilibrium and balance.

You will attempt to exert your self-control and preserve your dignity by refusing to do the thing that you are being pushed to do.

Because you gave in to those pushy demands, you get the feeling the individual controlled you, and this robs you of self-respect. No one likes to be coerced

The paradox is that you often end up hurting yourself

Question 57

Disarming technique

Answer 57

you already have decided to do what you have been advised but since close relations keep nagging, you develop a tremendous aversion to it!

is to agree with your support, but to do so in a way that you remind that you are agreeing with her based on your own decision, and not because they were telling you what to do.

Question 58

Visualize Success

Answer 58

By making a list of the advantages of a productive action you’ve been avoiding because it requires more self-discipline than you have been able to muster
. Such a list will train you to look at the positive consequences of doing it

Once you have prepared the list, you’re ready for the second step. Every night before you go to sleepvisualize every enjoyable detail as vividly as possible, and let your body relax and let go. Allow every muscle to unwind. Let the tension flow out of your arms and legs and leave your body.

Notice how your muscles begin to feel limp and loose. Notice how peaceful you feel. Now you are ready for the third step

Go through your list of benefits and repeat each one to yourself in the following way: “Now I have improved health and I like it.
Now I have greater self-discipline, and I can take on other challenges if I want to. I have extra spending money,” etc.

This method of habit management through the power of positive suggestion works amazingly well
Used for getting fit. Getting up in time and any positive habits to be cultivated

Question 59

If you feel you aren’t self motivated- Count What Counts

Answer 59

Our mental errors that were the key to problem: mental filter and labeling. His mind was dominated by thoughts about the various things he put off doing, and he ignored the hundreds of things he did each week that did not involve his being pushed by someone else.
he obtain a wrist counter, so that each day you could count the things he did on his own without prodding or encouragement from anyone
Every time he clicked the counter, he reminded himself that he was in control of his life, and in this way he trained himself to notice what he did do.

Question 60

Test Your “Can’ts

Answer 60

learning to adopt a scientific attitude toward the self-defeating predictions you make about your performance and abilities

One common self-defeating thought pattern when you are depressed or procrastinating is to “can’t” yourself every time you think of something productive to do.

Perhaps this stems from your fear of being blamed for your do-nothingism

You try to save face by creating the illusion that you are just too inadequate and incompetent to do a single thing

Question 61

Test Your cants IMP

Answer 61

An extremely successful cognitive technique involves testing your negative predictions with actual experiments.

Suppose, for example, you’ve been telling yourself: “I’m so upset I can’t concentrate well enough to read anything at all.”

As a way of testing this hypothesis, sit down with today’s newspaper and read one sentence, and then see if you can summarize the sentence out loud.

You might then predict—“But I could never read and understand a whole paragraph.” Again—put this to the test.

Read a paragraph and summarize. Many severe, chronic depressions have been cracked open with this powerful method.

Question 62

“ Can’t Lose ” System

Answer 62

If feel hesitant to put your “can’ts” to the test because you don’t want to risk failure

Behind your aloofness and lack of commitment lurks a powerful sense of inadequacy and the fear of failure.

The venture that you have been avoiding may involve a financial, personal, or scholastic risk.

The “Can’t Lose” System will help you combat this fear. Make a list of the negative consequences you might have to deal with if you took a risk and actually did fail.
Remember that even if you do fail, some good can come from it

No one is expected to know everything and never make any mistakes

If you can love and respect yourself in failure, worlds of adventure and new experiences will open up before you, and your fears will vanish

Then expose the distortions in your fears, and show how you could cope productively even if you did experience a disappointment.

Question 63

Motivation or action first

Answer 63

Action comes first. Then you will begin to get motivated, and the fluids will flow spontaneously.

Individuals who procrastinate frequently confuse motivation and action.

You foolishly wait until you feel in the mood to do something. Since you don’t feel like doing it, you automatically put it off.

Your error is your belief that motivation comes first, and then leads to activation and success. But it is usually the other way around; action must come first, and the motivation comes later on

So you lie around in bed waiting for inspiration to strike. When someone suggests you do something, you whine, “I don’t feel like it.” Well, who said you were supposed to feel like it? If you wait until you’re “in the mood,” you may wait forever!

Question 64

Synopsis of self activation methods

You feel disorganized. You have nothing to do. You get lonely and bored on weekends

Answer 64

Make a daily activity schedule- Plan things one hour at a time and record the amount of mastery and pleasure. Virtually any activity will make you feel better than lying in bed and will undercut your sense of inadequacy.

Question 65

You procrastinate because tasks seem too difficult and unrewarding.

Answer 65

The Antiprocrastination Sheet

You put your negative predictions to the test

Question 66

You feel overwhelmed by the urge to do nothing.

Answer 66

Daily Record of Dysfunctional Thoughts

You expose the illogical thoughts that paralyze you. You learn that motivation follows action, not vice versa

Question 67

You feel there’s no point doing anything when you’re alone.

Answer 67

Pleasure-Predicting Sheet

Schedule activities with the potential for personal growth or satisfaction , and predict how rewarding they will be. Compare the actual satisfaction you experience when you are alone and when you are with others

Question 68

You give yourself excuses for avoiding things.

Answer 68

But-Rebuttal

You get off your “but” by combatting your “buts” with realistic rebuttals

Question 69

You have the idea that whatever you do isn’t worth much.

Answer 69

Self-Endorsement
Write down the self-downing thoughts and talk back to them. Look for distorted thought patterns, such as “all-or-nothing thinking.” Make a list of things you do accomplish each day.

Question 70

You think about a task in a self-defeating manner.

Answer 70

TIC-TOC Technique

You substitute task-oriented cognitions (TOCS) for task-interfering cognitions (TICS).

Question 71

You feel overwhelmed by the magnitude of everything you have to do.

Answer 71

Break the task down into its tiny component parts, and do these one step at a time.

Question 72

You feel guilty, oppressed, obliged, and duty-bound.

Answer 72

You feel guilty, oppressed, obliged, and duty-bound.

You eliminate “shoulds,” “musts,” and “oughts” when you give yourself instructions
.
b. You list the advantages and disadvantages of any activity so you can begin to think in terms of what you want to do rather than what you must do.

Question 73

Someone else nags and harangues you. You feel pressured and resentful, so you refuse to do anything at all

Answer 73

Disarming Technique

You assertively agree with them and remind them that you are capable of doing your own thinking

Question 74

You have difficulty modifying a habit

Answer 74

Visualize success
You make a list of the positive benefits of having changed the habit. You visualize these after inducing a state of deep relaxation

Question 75

You feel unable to do anything on your own initiative because you see yourself as “a procrastinator

Answer 75

Count What counts

You count the things you do each day on your own initiative, using a wrist counter. This helps you overcome your bad habit of constantly dwelling on your inadequacies.

Question 76

You feel inadequate and incompetent because you say, “I can’t.

Answer 76

Test Your Can’ts

You set up an experiment in which you challenge and disprove your negative predictions

Question 77

You are afraid to fail, so you risk nothing

Answer 77

Can’t Lose” system

Write down any negative consequences of failure and develop a coping strategy ahead of time.

Question 78

If people criticize you the comments they make will be either right or wrong

Answer 78

If the comments are wrong, there is really nothing for you to be upset about

Why upset yourself? Did you expect that other people would be perfect? On the other hand, if the criticism is accurate, there is still no reason for you to feel overwhelmed.

You’re not expected to be perfect. Just acknowledge your error and take whatever steps you can to correct it.

it may take some effort to transform this insight into an emotional reality

Question 79

If you fear criticism

Answer 79

Because you feel you need the love and approval of other people in order to be worthwhile and happy

The problem with this point of view is that you’ll have to devote all your energies to trying to please people, and you won’t have much left for creative, productive living.

Paradoxically, many people may find you less interesting and desirable than your more self-assured friends

Question 80

What can you say when someone is attacking you?

How can you handle these difficult situations in a way that will enhance your sense of mastery and self-confidence?

Answer 80

Step One—Empathy.

When someone is criticizing or attacking you, his (or her) motives may be to help you or to hurt you.

Ask the person a series of specific questions designed to find out exactly what he or she means.

Try to avoid being judgmental or defensive as you ask the questions

Constantly ask for more and more specific information

Attempt to see the world through the critic’s eyes.

If the person attacks you with vague, insulting labels, ask him or her to be more specific and to point out exactly what it is about you the person dislike

This initial maneuver can itself go a long way to getting the critic off your back, and will help transform an attack-defense interaction into one of collaboration and mutual respect.

By asking you specific questions I minimize the possibility that you will reject me completely.

We become aware of some specific concrete problems that we can deal with.

Furthermore, I am giving you your day in court by listening to you so as to understand the situation as you see it.

This tends to defuse any anger and hostility and introduces a problem-solving orientation in the place of blame casting or debate

Question 81

Remember the first rule

Answer 81

even if you feel the criticism is totally unjust, respond with empathy by asking specific questions.

Find out precisely what your critic means.

I he or she may be hurling labels at you, perhaps even obscenities.

Nevertheless, ask for more information. Find out what your action means to him or her. Try to see the world through your critic’s eyes.

This approach will frequently calm the roaring lion and lay the groundwork for a more sensible discussion.

Question 82

Step Two—Disarming the Critic

Answer 82

If someone is shooting at you, you have three choices:
You can stand and shoot back—this usually leads to warfare and mutual destruction;
you can run away or try to dodge the bullets—this often results in humiliation and a loss of self-esteem;

or you can stay put and skillfully disarm your opponent
this third solution is by far the most satisfying. When you take the wind out of the other person’s sails, you end up the winner, and your opponent more often than not will also feel like a winner.

Question 83

Disarming the critic

Answer 83

initially find some way to agree with him or her
By this time (or sooner) the angry critic will usually lose steam.
Because I do not fight back but instead find a way to agree with my opponent, the person quickly seems to run out of ammunition, having been successfully disarmed.

You might think of this as winning by avoiding battle. As the critic begins to calm down, he or she will be in a better mood to communicate.

Question 84

Practice of disarming

Answer 84

write out imaginary dialogues between you and a hostile critic, similar to the ones you’ve been reading. After each harangue write down how you might answer using the empathy and disarming technique. It may seem difficult at first, but I think you’ll catch on quite readily

I strongly suggest you practice this with a friend. (Haha why frnds when there are so many enemies!)

You will notice you have a profound, almost irresistible tendency to defend yourself when you are unjustly accused.

This is a MAJOR mistake! If you give in to this tendency, you will find that the intensity of your opponent’s attack increases!

You will paradoxically be adding bullets to that person’s arsenal every time you defend yourself

In contrast, if I respond with empathy and disarm your hostility, more often than not you will feel I am listening to you and respecting you.

As a result you lose your ardor to do battle and quiet down.