exam 1 study set Flashcards
what does Genesis 2:18 say?
that Adam was alone and that God was going to make a helper fit for him
why would God leave something out of his perfect creation? Why did he not make Adam a helper in the first place?
Maybe he wanted Adam to really think about his relationship with the Lord, and so that he would recognize how special it was to have someone like him to live with him
what does the word helper mean?
being there for someone; the same word for “helper” is used to refer to God in the New Testament
the man had a deficiency that the woman filled. what was the deficiency that she was filling?
she was going to be a helper for him to help him and to be a companion for him
true or false: the helper is no more or less than the other person
true
Genesis 2:23 is Adam’s response to God making him a helper. what did he say?
he said she is bone of my bone and flesh of my flesh and he named her woman.
what kind of language is used in genesis 2:24 when God refers to the man leaving his father and mother to be joined to his wife?
marital language
true or false: relationships happen without a risk of pain
false
just because you get rejected by someone doesn’t mean you are a bad what?
Person
what does dating someone who is available mean?
It means that they aren’t in any other relationships, they are available emotionally, and they must be in a good place spiritually
what does Matthew 6:23 say and why does it apply to being available to date?
if your eye is unhealthy, then the whole body will be affected. If the person you are wanting to date is not in a state of mind to be dating, then they are going to bring you down
to date, what you see is what you get. What does this mean?
How you see people interact with other people is who they are. you can’t hide your true self from everyone
to date, you have to have healthy emotions. what does this mean?
this means that dating is supposed to energize you and make you feel good about yourself. relationships cannot be “my way or the highway.” there has to be some give and take
what does 1 Timothy chapter 5 talk about?
how we are to treat each other as brothers and sisters in christ
if everyone is looking for the same qualities in a relationship, why are relationships so hard?
we are imperfect people coming together to make an imperfect relationship. we all rank traits we want in a partner at different levels of importance, and not one person is going to have all of these traits.
what are the four traits that must be present in order for a relationship to thrive?
- love
- trust
- respect
- understanding
what are the 6 different types of love?
- ludic
- pragma
- eros
- mania
- storge
- agape
describe ludic love.
lunatic love. they play games with you then leave after they have made you fall for them. This type of love occurs more often in males than in females, and it usually involves them seeing multiple people at once. the most common location for this type of love is college campuses.
describe pragma love.
this is the type of love that is more of a business deal than a relationship. the two parties have so much in common that they just get married because they think it just makes sense. there is usually little to no sexual chemistry
describe eros love.
the romantic and emotional love. involves a lot of physical attraction and sexual tension. Can often be super intense but super short-lived, because once the initial infatuation wears off there is not much there if there is not any other type of love involved. Often goes hand in hand with the soulmate viewpoint, where you believe there is only one person that is made for you.
describe mania love.
the super jealous love. the “you belong to me and only me” mindset. there are high levels of passion and lots of emotion is involved. it’s very possessive, and can often be mistaken for protectiveness. it’s draining, and feels really good until it doesn’t. this type of love can lead to violence and mind games if you aren’t careful
describe storge love.
the friendship love. super stable, and there is very little physical attraction or sexual tension
describe agape love.
the most rare form of love. the self sacrificing. you deeply care about what the best thing for the other person is, and you expect nothing in return.
what type of love do most people use?
ludic, storge, mania, pragma, and eros
what is the equation of types of love for a satisfactory marriage?
eros+agape, then add in storge later on
why is it so important to have storge love in a marriage?
this type of love has to be there when you start having kids, and if it doesn’t develop, then the eros love fades away. the second largest divorce group is people in their 50s cause they didn’t learn to be friends after they had kids
what is the age of the eldest child when the sex life creeps back up?
16
what does trust contribute to a relationship?
It makes you voluntarily depend on the other person. you don’t earn trust, but you can lose it. as the relationship grows, you should see patterns that reinforce the trust that you have for each other, but you have to take that risk and trust them blindly first
what does respect contribute to a relationship?
this trait tends to be neglected or ignored completely. you voluntarily regard another person with worth and value. you have to first respect yourself before you can respect others. people cannot earn your respect, but they can lose it.
what does understanding contribute to the realtionship?
it’s trying to see the world through your partner’s eyes. it takes a long time to develop, and it often doesn’t form in dating. you dont have to agree on everything, nor will you ever agree on everything, but you have to be able to see their point of view. it takes a lot of work, and it is the last part of a stable relationship that forms. But, if it doesn’t form, the relationship is unstable.
true or false: the quicker you get into a physical relationship, the less you learn about the other person
true
physical relationships cause you to lose what?
the ability to think deeply about the relationship and where it is going.
what does 1 Thessalonians 4:3-8 talk about?
keeping yourself pure and holy.
what does sanctification mean in the context of 1 Thessalonians 4:3-8?
holiness
what does control your own body mean in the context of 1 Thessalonians 4:3-8?
to control your male genitals. Paul was writing primarily to the males that were going to the pagan temples to have sex
who does your body belong to?
your spouse
what does “don’t defraud your brother” mean?
it means don’t have sex with someone you aren’t married to, because then they will be unsure for their spouse
outside of the bonds of marriage, what does a physical relationship do?
tear away your holiness
you can be forgiven of unholiness, but you can’t what?
undo what has been done
what is stage one of a physical relationship?
eye to body- you look at a person and you find them attractive; everyone does this
what is stage two of a physical relationship?
eye to eye- you get caught staring at someone, only y=to realize they have been staring at you too. a message has been sent
what is stage three of a physical relationship?
voice to voice- looking turns to talking; you strike up a conversation; you begin to think about how far this relationship might go
what is stage four of a physical relationship?
hand to hand- your first time touching them. Might be accidental or intentional. Signal that there is some chemistry there
what is stage five of a physical relationship?
arm around the shoulder- the casual (sometimes not so casual) side hug. a sign that a more intimate relationship is in the works
what is stage six of a physical relationship?
arm to waist- the face to face hug; very intimate because your bodies are being brought together. the longer the hug lingers, the more intense things are. shows that there is definitely more than just a friendship happening here.
what is stage seven of a physical relationship?
mouth to mouth- not CPR; a kiss
Types:
- the peck- a quick, short kiss. not much happens
- the goodnight kiss- after hanging out together for some time. longer and more intimate
- the prolonged kiss- very intimate; not quite swapping slobber yet but we getting there. shows that you really care about the other person
-French kissing- full on face sucking; goal is to arouse both parties involved
what is stage eight of a physical relationship?
hand to head- hand comes up to deepen the kiss, then they begin to wander through the hair, down the back, to the waist (NO TOUCHING THE BUTT) hands dont go to the front yet
what is stage nine of a physical relationship?
Hand to body- hands are ROAMING; clothes stay on, but not for very long; nowhere is off limits
what is stage ten of a physical relationship?
mouth to breast- shirt and bra have come of so that he can kiss yo boobs
what is stage eleven of a physical relationship?
hand to genitals- all or most clothes are off at this point; stroking and grinding to increase arousal
what is stage twelve of a physical relationship?
genitals to genitals- sex
where do you draw the line in the physical relationship?
the deeper you get into the steps the harder it is to stop; ask yourself how you can work with the Holy Spirit to remain holy
what are some ways that you can stay holy?
- treat the relationship as a friendship and don’t just jump right to the physical stuff
- don’t take arousal as a sign of love
- talk about purity
- set boundaries early
- make a sexual covenant saying what you will and won’t do so that you both can stay holy
- pray together!
at what stage of the relationship do we ignore the negative and only see the positive?
in the beginning
what is sign 1 of an unhealthy relationship?
you- what are your reasons for wanting to date? know who you are and whose you are. If you are seeking validation from this person to confirm your identity you probably aren’t dating for the right reasons
what is sign 2 of an unhealthy relationship?
how you are treated- if they try and change you, or you feel awful about yourself at the end of a date, then that ain’t it bestie.
what is sign 3 of an unhealthy relationship?
friends- if they try to detach you from your friends, this can be a sign of an unhealthy relationship. you need your friends girl. now if you got sucky friends, then them trying to pull you away from them might be for your benefit
what is sign 4 of an unhealthy relationship?
lack of trust- they lost your trust or they don’t trust you. this can be a sign of mania (jealous) love, that can often be accompanied by controlling tendencies and violence. the controlling will worsen with time
what is a selfish lie?
a lie told by someone in a mania type of love. they tell you what they think you need to know, and it is used to control you. they tell you only what they want you to hear. RUNNNNNNNN
what is sign 5 of an unhealthy relationship?
a refusal to change- you see flaws and try to better yourself when you are dating. if the person you are with refuses to see their flaws or change them, this could lead to a narcissistic relationship
what is sign 6 of an unhealthy relationship?
conflict resolution- you and your partner avoid dealing with issues, or you have the same fight over and over again without solving the problem; conflict in a relationship cannot be avoided
what is sign 7 of an unhealthy relationship?
separation- if you cannot be without this person, thats unhealthy. you are allowed to miss your SO, but if you can’t get out of bed when they aren’t around, then that ain’t good sis
what are your two options to solve an unhealthy relationship?
fix it or leave
what is sign 1 of a healthy relationship
happiness- be optimistic about the relationship and where it is going; positivity goes a long way
what is sign 2 of a healthy relationship?
parent’s marriage- if parents get divorced, their kids are more at risk of getting a divorce because your parents shape your view of relationships
what is sign 3 of a healthy relationship
parental approval- if the parents approve of the relationship, lots of tension and conflict is avoided. Most people want their parents to like the person they are dating.
what is sign 4 of a healthy relationship
age- younger marriages tend to have more sexual satisfaction but less overall satisfaction
what is sign 5 of a healthy relationship
length of courtship- dating for more than 18 months gets you through all the hormones being produced, and can show you how you truly feel about the person. the 18 months can include the engagement period. if you date for more than 4 years, you run the risk of damaging the relationship
what is sign 6 of a healthy relationship
pregnancy- does not give you time to adjust to married life, so you should wait a minute. when done the way God intended, it can be a blessing
what is sign 7 of a healthy relationship
endogamy- being aligned in the major areas of life, such as religion, economic status, intelligence, and energy levels
what do people view as falling out of love that isn’t actually that?
the hormone production reducing
what is stage 1 of falling out of love?
disillusionment- you have unmet expectations. every couple goes through this, and you have to talk about your expectations in order for them to know what to fix
what is stage 2 of falling out of love
hurt feelings- you feel they are intentionally trying to hurt you. not all couples get here, but many do. you have to talk about your expectations and be willing to change. tell them that they are hurting your feelings
what is stage 3 of falling out of love
anger- you are upset that your expectations are not being met. the make or break point of the relationship. can come out as yelling, passive aggressiveness, or silent treatment. violence is an automatic end to a relationship
what is stage 4 of falling out of love
ambivalence- you just dont care anymore. the relationship is over, and all you have left to do is break up with them officially
what is stage 5 of falling out of love
death of love- the relationship is officially over, have a funeral and move on with life
true or false: feelings are facts
false
what are three ways you can encourage a relationship?
- compliments- not just their looks, but personality too
- control less- there should be a balance between what you want and what they want
- equality- balance in service and outcomes
what are the 4 essential areas of agreement?
- intelligence- an equal curiosity about the world
- values- things you view as important
- faith- must have a similar level of spirituality, whether that is you love God and want to serve him or you don’t. believe in him at all
- verbal and emotional intimacy- need to have similar love languages
what allows couples to make vows and promises to each other when they don’t know what the future holds?
vows are how they intend the future to be, and they intend to stick around to see that future. sometimes they don’t realize how soon their vows will be tested. it is important to understand what you are promising before you make those vows. Divorce is not in them. I will stick around until it is convenient is not in them. whatever happens, you are there.
what are the three things you should consider about marriage?
- imperfect people create imperfect marriages
- marriage is not a 50-50 proposition. you have to give it your all. marriage is self-sacrificing. you give regardless of how much they give
- the key to marriage is forgiveness
how can we learn to forgive?
- recognize what God has done for you
- pray that God will help you to forgive others
- tell the person who sinned against you what they did
- make a covenant for change with the person
what are the three components of the love triangle?
- commitment
- intimacy
- passion
what are the 8 types of love triangle relationships?
- non-love= no love
- liking= intimacy
- infatuation= passion
- empty love= commitment
- romantic love= intimacy+passion
- fatuous love= commitment+intimacy
- companionate love= commitment+intimacy-passion
- consummate love= complete love
