EVERYDAY ETHICS Flashcards
The author claims that our worst moral headaches often come from the people closest to us? What do you think? Why? /2
As an individual, you make up your own personal rules and go along with them with no one noticing.
Friends on the other hand, make expectations of you and if mistaken, you’ll be called out for your actions immediately.
The author says that one of the reasons we have so much moral confusion around our friendships is because of misunderstood expectations. The author claims that our culture doesn’t have rituals for friendship (like children)? What do you think? /2
The author is right from a technical perspective but did not consider the nuances.
Some people get along for the sake of business or ulterior motives knowing the other can provide unknown assistance; however, in adulthood some friendships can develop rituals later on such as handshakes, codes of communication, traditions, etc.
Do your friendships manifest themselves differently depending on the identity of the people involved? If so, does that mean you are fake or insincere? /2
I believe so but only because of societal expectation when it comes to creating a bond with someone.
Friends expect you to always support them with little hesitance. Therefore, you put a front even if your morals say otherwise.
The author says mutual affection is only one of the reasons for a friendship. What, according to the author, are some others? /5
respect
admiration
loyalty
shared interests
shared history
What is the Schadenfreude test?
happy feeling you get when you hear another’s misfortunes, sort of like having a superiority complex.
What are the three caveats that the author gives about the schadenfreude test? /3
Schadenfreude is part of the human condition. Ask yourself WHAT sustains the relationship
Liking is a sometime thing.
Not liking ANY of your friends suggests a serious gap in your life. Time for some difficult self-reflection
What is mutuality? /3
a two-way street
sharing equally between parties
differs friendship from romantic love
What is reciprocity? /2
exchanging things with others for mutual benefit such as privileges
this for that/tit for tat
The author says that the distinction between mutuality and reciprocity is another good indicator about the status of a friendship/ Why? /3
Reveals the sort of people you consider ‘friends’.
Friends don’t ‘owe’ or ‘reciprocate’.
Friends are mutual, we help them because we care not because we expect something in return
Three types of pseudo friendships that violate the principle of mutuality /3
center of the universe friend
deflating friend
presumptuous friend
What is the center of the universe friend? /5
violates mutuality of interest
problem driven
expect you to agree that their current catastrophe is THE MOST significant event now occurring in the universe.
excessive amounts of detail
make it clear that you’re tired of listening without being heard, of giving and never getting
What is the deflating friend? /7
violates mutuality of enthusiasm
Excitement vanishes
Views life as an eternal critic, as if they are experiencing the lowest of the lows, pessimistic (sometimes)
Rarely attacks head-on
Absent minded and kill your fervor with neglect
Can be extremely helpful ad sympathetic when you have a problem BUT refuse to share your zeal
Leach away your passion and destroy your spirit
What is the presumptuous friend? /4
violates mutuality of resources
Never has the slightest shyness about asking you for things
Doesn’t go out of his way to think about your needs
Exploits the friendship for personal reasons
What are the strengths of old friendships? /2
shared history; provided you with important tacit information about each other
read each other’s gestures, body language, moods
What are the weaknesses of old friendships? /4
different values
different tastes
different aspirations
TLDR: you have so little in common
Why does the author find it important to have interesting friends?
It’s the best way to learn about any subject, other than direct personal involvement
Why does the author find it important to have happy friends? /3
Happy friends make for a happier life
Helps sustain optimism
Amplifies pleasure by sharing it
What are Aristotle’s 3 categories of friendship? /3
friendships based on mutual interests
friendships based on mutual pleasures
friendships based on mutual values
What is a friendship based on mutual interests? /3
make up a large part of our lives
commonly as acquaintances
have no long-term security
What is a friendship based on mutual pleasures? /3
friends with whom you enjoy hanging out with
most common form of friendship
have no long-term security
What is a friendship based on mutual values?
truest of friendships
Why do we have an obligation to address our friend’s values?
someone who does not address it can result in the friendship to fall apart as a means of neglecting someone’s well-being and shallow
How do you address a friend’s values? /2
address them but as a form of persuasion rather than imposing
appeal to them as a friend, not as a parent or enforcer.
What makes a best friend according to the author? /2
Friends who care about what’s best for you
Based on shared values
The author says that having an enemy can be a good thing, so long as you choose him/her wisely. Why does he say that?
choose them wisely as intense passion can transform into hatred—an obsession that undermines emotional balance and perverts your judgment
What can an enemy do for you (positive)? /3
An enemy can excite your passions intensely
Be a source of inspiration to work harder
Become the central motivation to succeed
What do you think is the significance of the anonymous quote: “People who are sensible about love are incapable of it”? /3
Sensible refers to being practical, almost calculated; however, that does not apply to love.
Love is anything but predictable as it depends on individual emotions, circumstances, and experiences.
Someone who makes a practice out of it will never truly understand what love is
What are the dangers to excessive attention to love? /3
love-adultors
view love as “the poetry of the senses” and the highest of all humans’ achievements.
those who loved and won know that love does conquer all
What are the dangers of insufficient attention to love? /2(4)
cynicism about romance
such as:
- Feminists
- left-wing political theorists
- religion
How can we differentiate between love and lust? /2
Lust is replaceable
love has no substitutions
What is lust? /3
fungible (replaceable without any change in value)
Attracted to a person’s physical features and anyone else with the same attributes would do as well
Satisfy your sexual cravings
What is love? /3
no substitutions
withstand an essential change of personality
activity of the head—more control over our emotional affections than over our physical desires.
Is falling in love a choice? /2
a responsible decision
determine whether to allow lust to turn into love
According to the author, what are we dishonest about? /3
our values
“how you talk reveals your values”
we are too lazy to indulge in them
How would more honesty help? /3
engage in honest self-appraisal
the pay-off of being more honest is more productive conversations
avoiding pointless repetitions of discussion
The 3 types of talk? /3
chicken talk
bull talk
elephant talk
What is chicken talk? /3
small talk
light and easy
facilitates socialization
What is bull talk?
exchange genuine information and our questions are personal
What is elephant talk? /3
deepest realm of conversation
content is weighty
questions are accompanied by the body language of dramatic gestures
Why is chicken talk important? /3
signals that you recognize the social cues of the community
you’re safe to deal with
cement civility and community
Why does the author think that “we have a moral obligation to take language seriously? (67) (denotation vs connotation, framing, euphemism and hyperbole) /2
words have meaning but can be lost when used irresponsibly
failure to make distinctions perpetuates a dangerous lack of moral proportion
What are 2 key ingredients to good listening? /2
asking questions
repeating in your OWN words what the other person said a.k.a paraphrasing
Why is it so hard to listen?
The difficulty of listening comes from the idea that one has superior intellect over the other
“notice that while one person speaks, the next person gets ready to lob [throw in] his own comment
What are the 2 type of people you should never argue with? /2
perpetual arguers
squanderers of passion