Elemeno Pea Scene for Fall 2022 Final

Question 1

Simone: Jesus! She is really strong, huh?

Answer 1

Devon: Hey, Simone?

Question 2

Simone: Look at Ethan! He’s such a gentleman, sweetly coaxing that out / of her death grip—

Answer 2

Devon: HEY SIMONE!!!!

Question 3

Simone: … Jesus, Devon, what?

Answer 3

Devon: … You were off for Christmas and you chose to spend it with the Kells?

Question 4

Simone: … I didn’t know how to tell you, okay? I’m sorry — I didn’t think you’d understand.

Answer 4

Devon: Correct. I don’t understand why you’d drink eggnog with these people. But more to the point: you and I had a deal, Simone. A Lifetime Deal, that we would never abandon each other at Christmas. I had to sit next to Aunt Terry and newly sober Carl and get interrogated about Tim — you were supposed to be there to protect me.

Question 5

Simone: Well, it was one Christmas, Dev. I’ll be back next year.

Answer 5

Devon: No, you won’t. Remember? You’ve already got your radiant heat Rockefeller Center thing all planned at the Gossip Girl house. You’ve already sent me up the river for next year. (beat) And then you pinned that bullshit elemeno pea story on me.

Question 6

Simone: I know. I know I owe you an explanation about that, / and I am so —

Answer 6

Devon: No you don’t owe me anything Simone, because that’s how this thing goes. Elemeno pea. I’ve got you, you’ve got me. (beat) But you might have to ask yourself why you had to lie about it. You know? If Michaela’s such a great friend to you. Why isn’t it okay that you failed first grade. That you were bullied and traumatized and medicated. That the only person who got you through that year was me, Simone — I came into your room every night and sat with you.

Question 7

Simone: … I know, okay? I’m sorry.

Answer 7

Devon: No, I don’t want an apology and I don’t want to make you feel badly, I want to know what you’re doing, Simone.

Question 8

Simone: … What do you mean?

Answer 8

Devon: I mean: what are you doing?

Question 9

Simone: What am I doing with what, Dev? You’re going to have to be more specific —

Answer 9

Devon: Okay: why are you opening the fridge, getting out a big bucket of Michaela Kool-Aid, and drinking every fucking drop of it?

Question 10

Simone: Look, I know you’re upset and you have every right to be: I promised you a restful sisters’ beach weekend, and this has not gone according to plan, but —

Answer 10

Devon: I don’t care about any of that. I care about what you are doing.

Question 11

Simone: What do you mean? I’m working. I work here.

Answer 11

Devon: You work here, you live here, you sleep here, you eat here, you wear fucking doilies here, you seduce morons here —

Question 12

Simone: I “seduce morons” — is that what you just said?

Answer 12

Devon: Yes, that man is a jackass. And you bailed on Christmas with me so you could get into his pink pants and score yourself a Peter.

Question 13

Simone: What a terrible thing to say to me, Devon! I love Ethan. I am in love with him. And he is not a jackass — his portfolio is worth what it is because he manages it so well. He’s just humble about how brilliant he is.

Answer 13

Devon: Simone, he thinks my name is Kevin. And he doesn’t even know you moved me to California.

Question 14

Simone: Yes because there is more to me than where I move you, Devon. You ever think of that? That maybe there’s more to me than how I relate to Devon? He happens to know me intimately.

Answer 14

Devon: Oh God, no he doesn’t.

Question 15

Simone: He won’t order anything with sun-dried tomatoes because he knows they gross me out. He took me to a three hour Katy Perry cover band concert. And he tracked down Mom’s cameo — the one that Dad pawned? He outbid fourteen other bidders on eBay.

Answer 15

Devon: Well, maybe those are your rewards for “blowing his mind” sexually. Because those words just came out of his mouth.

Question 16

Simone: (giggling) Really?

Answer 16

Devon: It’s not funny — that’s not — God, who are you? This Michaela bitch has got her talons so deep into your brain, I feel like I need to call the Intervention show.

Question 17

Simone: I love that show.

Answer 17

Devon: I am not joking, Simone. What is going on in this house, huh?

Question 18

Simone: What do you even — Nothing.

Answer 18

Devon: Then why’s he divorcing her?

Question 19

Simone: Who?

Answer 19

Devon: Don’t “who” me — Peter! Why is he divorcing Michaela?

Question 20

Simone: I don’t know, why does anyone split up? Why did Mom leave Dad? Why did you leave Tim?

Answer 20

Devon: Tim was addicted to titty websites. Dad fucked a bartender.

Question 21

Simone: Well, I don’t know, Devon, okay? But it’s probably something private and complicated and my / confidentiality agreement —

Answer 21

Devon: I don’t give a rat’s ass about your confiden-whatever agreement, Simone. Do you hear me? I am worried about you. Jose told me it’s been an open war between them this summer — something about Michaela crossing the line? —

Question 22

Simone: And it’s none of your business, Devon.

Answer 22

Devon: it is my business! You are my business! I don’t want you wrapped up in other people’s toxic shit, I want you to —

Question 23

Simone: Be home in Buffalo with you?

Answer 23

Devon: (beat) No, but… (beat) Have you watched a single Bills game out here? have you made any friends of your own? Have you worn sweatpants and done sudoku? Have you written a single word since you took this job?

Question 24

Simone: As a matter of fact, yes, I’ve been doing some pre-writing for an / idea I have —

Answer 24

Devon: STOP IT SIMONE.

Question 25

Simone: NO YOU STOP IT, DEVON! YOU STOP. You’re not my mother and you have no idea what I do here and you’re not going to ruin this for me! I didn’t judge you when you dropped your job in New York like a hot potato. You were at that job for ten years, Devon — ten years. You were a supervisor in a field that is impossible to break into. But when you called me up, excited, saying you were gonna quit and follow your heart to California, I said good for you. And I meant it. But you were calling her a hooker and a whore the minute you walked in here —

Answer 25

Devon: No, I —

Question 26

Simone: Yes you were and she is none of those things. She is literally the most kind-hearted, generous person I know and she takes time for me. I was so depressed back in Boston. Temping, trying to write my stupid novels no one reads, getting rejected from every MFA program in the country for the third year in a row. My friend from Yale is a senator, Dev. A senator! So you can stop because I needed this and I like it here. I like who I am here.

Answer 26

Devon: Well, I think who you are here sucks. I think you suck, Simone.