Dialogue Flashcards
Hi! My name is Doug and I’m a second grader here at Michaelson Elementary School… I love school!… I love seeing my best friend in the whole entire galaxy, Harry!
HARRY
Enthusiastically) Hey Doug! Wanna see a girl scream? (HARRY freezes.
This is Harry. Harry and I are both going to be in Room 2B this year. Like I said before, he’s my best friend in the whole entire galaxy! Now Harry may look like any other second grader except for one thing. Harry loves to do horrible things.
DOUG
Yeah! But what’s in there?
HARRY
Something. I wonder if we’ll have science class today…
DOUG
I don’t know. But I’m really excited for lunch; my mom made me cookies!
HARRY
Chocolate chip or oatmeal raisin?!
DOUG
Chocolate chip!
(Victorious handshake)
DOUG
So what’s in there?
HARRY
(With a wicked grin.) Something.
SONG LEE
I do think they’re pretty, though.
IDA
Thanks Song Lee!
Girls do handshake.
HARRY
(Pointing to the group of girls.) Look at them over there! Ha! Oh boy this is gonna get them good!
DOUG
Which one are you going to scare?
Boys freeze, attn back to girls.
SONG LEE
My family just moved here this summer.
Girls freeze., attn back to boys.
HARRY
(Pointing to Song Lee.) The new girl!
Boys freeze…
IDA
Hi Doug.
IDA
… like my new sneakers?
HARRY
Like my new snake?!
DOUG
And that’s when I first saw Harry do something horrible this year.
Bell rings, all exit. On the way out, Sidney purposely trips Harry. Harry falls to the ground. Harry raises one fist in the air.
HARRY
Ugh Sidney! That kid is the worst.
DOUG
Don’t worry about him Harry. Maybe he’s in room 2A and you won’t have to deal with him this year.
HARRY
He better hope so!
DOUG
Harry what’s wrong?
HARRY
I can’t believe he’s in Room 2B! What did I do to deserve this punishment?!
SIDNEY
Well, well if it isn’t Harry and Doug. How was your summer?
HARRY
Why do you care?
MISS MACKLE
Good job, Sidney. Who would like to go next?
HARRY
(Raises hand frantically.) Can I go Ms. Mackle! Please please please!
MISS MACKLE
Alright since you said please.
Harry goes up to Miss Mackle and smiles horribly.
HARRY
I brought my terrible T-Rex!
Kids gasp.
HARRY
He is the biggest and creepiest of the dinosaurs.
All except Doug and Dexter are creeped out about the T-Rex.
HARRY
He eats up all the other little dinosaurs and stomps around like this. (HARRY acts like a T-Rex and uses his toy to show what a dinosaur acts like.) He has by far one of the biggest growls of the dinosaurs. (Lets out a big dinosaur growl.) He also likes to swoop up people named Sidney. (Maniacal laugh.)
MISS MACKLE
But Song Lee you are the last one and everyone wants to get to know you a little better since you are a new student. What’s in your box?
….. They scream and pass the box to Harry and Doug.
HARRY
A potato beetle?! (To the audience.) I think I’m in love.
MISS MACKLE
Oh no, Song Lee don’t cry. Let me get you some ice from my first aid kit. Okay class, let’s try again! (Bell rings) All right. We’ll work on this tomorrow. Let’s go to lunch.
HARRY
(To Doug with his hands in fists) I’ll get Sidney for Making Sidney cry!
MISS MACKLE
Harry will you take Song Lee’s water bottle to the nurse so she can put it in the freezer?
HARRY
Okay! (Grabs the water bottle. All the kids and Miss Mackle leave except Sidney, Harry, and Doug. HARRY looks down at the water bottle and suddenly gets a brilliant idea for revenge.) Hey Sidney! I have a present for you!
SIDNEY
What are you giving me a present for?
HARRY
That trick you pulled when we were dancing. You bumped into Song Lee!
SIDNEY
Yeah I did! She’s so clumsy. What’s my present?
HARRRY
This!
HARRY pours the ice water down Sidney’s back.
DOUG
I can’t believe you did that! Miss Mackle told you to give the water bottle to the nurse!
HARRY
She didn’t tell me to return the melted ice inside. (Doug’s jaw drops.) Sidney had it coming!
MISS MACKLE
All right class, here are the monitors for this month… and Harry is the fish monitor.
HARRY
All right! I love the fish!
MISS MACKLE
Harry, don’t forget to keep the temperature between 70-80 degrees and to feed the fish before we go to lunch.
HARRY
Okay Miss Mackle!
MISS MACKLE
Name some birds…
MARY
A robin!
IDA
A blue bird!
HARRY
I know a bird no one will know! A pterodactyl!
SIDNEY
I know a bird! A canary! Know what rhymes with canary? Harry! Harry’s a canary!
HARRY
I am not! (Raises fist)
Harry chases Sidney offstage.
DOUG
You’re probably wondering why these two are in high pursuit of each other… Well it’s because Harry HATES being called a canary. Now he’s out for revenge.
After some time, Sidney falls on his stomach. Harry stands over him.
HARRY
Say “I love girls!”
SIDNEY
Never!
HARRY flips SIDNEY onto his back and sits on him, preparing to tickle him.
HARRY
Say “I love girls! Twice!” (Preparing to tickle)
SIDNEY
Never!!!
HARRY
Yeah?
SIDNEY
Yeah.
DOUG
And then Harry decided to use his secret weapon of TICKLE TORTURE!!
HARRY tickles SIDNEY
HARRY
(Yelling over SIDNEY’S laugh.) Say it! Say it! Say it!
SIDNEY
I’ll get you back someday!
DOUG
And it was horrible!
HARRY walks over to DOUG and they do their secret handshake.
DOUG
One day Room 2B went to the aquarium. Harry and I had promised, cross our hearts, hope to die, stick a needle in our eye, that we would be partners. But boy was I wrong! When the day of the field trip came, Harry had some shocking news for me! (All unfreeze) You’re gonna be partners with Song Lee?
HARRY
Dexter is sick today with the flu.
DOUG
Great, so I get to be the one with no partner?
HARRY
You can tough it out!
MISS MACKLE
That’s right Sidney! Now students, can you name some different types of fish?
MARY
A sword fish!!!
IDA
Clown fish!!!!
HARRY
An angler fish!!
DOUG
Thank you everyone!
MISS MACKLE
Those are all wonderful examples, children.
HARRY
Psst, Doug! Do you want to be partners
DOUG
I wouldn’t be your partner in a thousand years.
HARRY
I’ll wait.
MISS MACKLE
On to the next exhibit, children! Make sure to stay with your partner.
Doug notices that HARRY is still standing by himself now.
DOUG
I thought you were partners with Song Lee.
HARRY
She’s with Mary and Ida. They’re gonna sit three to a seat on the way home.
DOUG
I wouldn’t be your partner in a hundred years.
HARRY
I’ll wait.
MISS MACKLE
Alright kids! It’s time for lunch!
HARRY
Doug, do you want to sit together.
DOUG
No thanks, Harry, I’m going to sit with Sidney.
DOUG and SIDNEY sit together; Harry sits a few feet away. A bee lands on DOUG’s sandwich.
SIDNEY
A BEE!
DOUG is frozen in horror. HARRY grabs a cup and traps the bee and throws it away in the trash can.
DOUG
Thanks, Harry! You saved my life!
HARRY
Some jerk is gonna get a big surprise when he opens this! (Grabs his sandwich.) Would you like half of my sardine sandwich, Doug?
DOUG
Ew, no. I can’t eat sardines, they look too much like the fish in the aquarium.
HARRY looks at his sandwich with disgust. He goes to throw it away in the trash can when suddenly the bee gets out and chases HARRY until the bee stings him.
HARRY
Ow!
MISS MACKLE
Oh no! Harry are you alright?
HARRY
I got stung by a bee!
DOUG
Hey Harry, would you like my last chocolate chip cookie?
HARRY
Thanks pal. (He eats it all.) You don’t think I’m a jerk?
MARY
Me too Miss Mackle!
HARRY
Hey Miss Mackle! Knock knock!
DEXTER
(To Miss MACKLE) Give yourself a Padme on the back, like Queen Amidala!
HARRY
(Whispering to DOUG.) Nothing’s working! Maybe Miss Mackle just doesn’t like to laugh.
DOUG
I could try a headstand, like clowns do.
HARRY
Okay, I’m going to think of a really good joke!
MISS MACKLE
Please work on your own to write the sentences with the correct contractions. If you have a question raise your hand and I will come help you. This is a quiet individual work time, so please absolutely no talking.
HARRY
(He takes a moment to read the sentences and then grins.( I know how to make Miss Mackle laugh.
MISS MACKLE
Oh boy, do I have one funny class! I think that we can be done with English for today. Can anyone show the class some of the funny things they can do?
HARRY begins telling jokes.
MISS MACKLE
Okay class it’s time for lunch!
DOUG
…homemade fudge. (HARRY has taken out a box with the fudge in it and passed it out to the kids. He comes up and gives a piece to DOUG.)
DOUG
Wow! That was a crazy game of dodgeball.
DEXTER
(Gasping.) I think I need my inhaler.
HARRY
Did you see when Sidney started to cry when he got out?! Haha!
SIDNEY
It was Harry! He’s the fish monitor and he loves doing horrible things!
HARRY
I would never do anything that horrible! I would never take the life of a single living thing. I plan on being a great scientist some day!
MISS MACKLE
We’ll talk about this after schoool.
The bell rings. MISS MACKLE dismmisses the students but calls SIDNEY over to her desk and begins to reprimand him. HARRY grabs his lunch box and goes to SONG LEE.
HARRY
Hey Song Lee. Would you like the last piece of my mom’s homemade fudge?
SONG LEE
Yes please.
HARRY
Thanks for standing up for me.
MISS MACKLE
Alright students put away your worksheets and get out a blank sheet of paper. (The students do so and MISS MACKLE grabs the pointer off her desk.( Now students, we are going to start to learn about the United States of America. For today, we are going to be focusing on the Midwest region. The Midwest is comprised of 12 states. They are Minnesota, Wisconsin, Michigan…
HARRY
(Overlapping MISS MACKLE. To DOUG.) Hey DOugh! I found this disgusting centipede at home, I’ll show it at recess.
SIDNEY
(To HARRY) You know what you are Harry? One big fat canary!
HARRY
(Loudly) Well you know what you are Sidney…
MISS MACKLE
Alright Harry, it looks like you will be spending your recess inside with me.
(Bells ring. HARRY sulks at his desk.)
MISS MACKLE
Now Harry do you know why you are in here?
HARRY
Because I was talking.
MISS MACKLE
Yes because you were talking and not listening to what was going on in class. What should you do differently next time?
HARRY
Don’t talk and listen to what you are saying.
MISS MACKLE
Good.
HARRY
Whatchya reading Miss Mackle?
MISS MACKLE
It’s this new book I got. It’s filled with all sorts of different dinosaurs. It’s called “Terrible Tyrannosaurus Rex.” Would you like to take a look at it?
HARRY
Sure!
MISS MACKLE hands HARRY the book. HARRY opens the book immediately and a huge smile comes across his face.
(Pointing to the book) Oh look! A T-Rex! That’s my favorite!
MISS MACKLE
Mine too! You know what, Harry? Let’s not waste this recess! Let’s have some fun.
HARRY gives MISS MACKLE a puzzled look. Beat. MISS MACKLE startes imitating a T-Rex and rampages the room. HARRY laughs and joins MISS MACKLE in her rampage (jumping on desks, running about the room, making dinosaur noises, and etc.
MISS MACKLE
My that was fun! Hey, why don’t you get ready for science class. We can be dinosaurs another day.
HARRY starts walking away and MM picks up the book.
MM
Harry, would you like to borrow this book for a while?
HARRY
You mean it?! Really?
MISS MACKLE
Of course! As long as I get it back in one piece.
HARRY
Gee thanks Miss Mackle. You’re the best teacher in the whole world!!!
DOUG
Stub monologue.
HARRY
Psssst! Pssssssst! Doug, Doug!
DOUG
What, Harry?
HARRY
Tomorrow. Tomorrow is the perfect day to release the evil of the stub people. It’s the day of Halloween, it will scare the wits out of everybody!
DOUG Oh yeah, I’m ssss…ss…sure everyone will be super scared, but not me! I’m brave and strong, no stub people can bother me…
HARRY
Oh you just wait. You just wait.
MISS MACKLE
If this snake is who I think it is, you’re ten minutes late to class.
HARRY
Sssssssssssss.
MM
You’re ten minutes late, Harry.
HARRY
Snakes don’t move that quickly. It took me a long time to slither across the playground.
DOUG
Dream
HARRY
ATTACK!!!
DOUG
Harry, what’s going on?
HARRY
It is time for the stub people to release their evil onto Room 2B. Stub people, follow me!
DOUG
Wakes up
HARRY
Are you alright?
MISS MACKLE
Okay, Doug, you can be Squanto, Mary and Song Lee, you will be Pilgrims, Dexter and Ida will be Native Americans, Signey, you’ll be the turkey, and Harry—
HARRY
(Interrupting) I want to be the dead fish body!
MM
You want to be a dead fish in our Thanksgiving play?
HARRY
(Beaming) It’s an important role. If it wasn’t for the dead fish, the Pilgrims wouldn’t have been able to fertilize the corn and if the corn wasn’t fertilized, the corn wouldn’t have grown and the Pilgrims would have starved and you wouldn’t have a play about them. So, I want to be a dead fish.
MM
But that’s a horrible part to play… a dead fish!
HARRY
(Smiling.) I don’t mind.
MM
Okay, Song Lee, you don’t have to say your line right now.
HARRY
Miss Mackle, can we practice the dead fish part?
DOUG
Let us now join in feast!
HARRY lays on the floor.
MISS MACKLE
Harry, you wiggle forward when Squanto pulls you on the rope.
HARRY
(Looking at SONG LEE, who seems uncomfortable and sad to be doing the play.) I don’t feel like wiggling right now.
MISS MACKLE
But you ave to wiggle a little so that Squanto and pull you in. You’re too heavy.
HARRY
(Grumbling.) I’ll wiggle a little. (Idea pops into HARRY’s head.) Miss Mackle, can I talk to you?
MM
Song Lee is going to be a dead fish.
HARRY and SONG LEE smile at each other and lay on the ground.
DOUG
The parents especially loved the dead fish. Song Lee and Harry got the loudest applause. You know, sometimes Harry’s ideas aren’t so horrible after all.
SONG LEE and HARRY come into focus.
HARRY
You were really great, Song Lee.
SL
Thanks Harry, you too.
HARRY
(Handing a not to SL) This is for you.
SL
What is it?
HARRY
It’s a note. But you have to wait until I leave to open it.
HARRY smiles and then exits.
SIDNEY
Song Lee, you’re stupid! Everyone knows you can only do what SIMON SAYS!
HARRY
Sidney! That’s not very nice to say, Song Lee isn’t stupid! Apologize to her right now!
SIDNEY
Why would I listen to you? You’re a canary! Harry’s a canary!
HARRY
You can call me a canary all you want, but you can’t call Song Lee stupid!
SIDNEY
But… But!
HARRY
Don’t cry Song Lee, it’s okay, I’ll make Sidney apologize to you.
HARRY gives SIDNEY a look.
SONG LEE
Thanks for apologizing. I forgive you.
HARRY
See Sidney? You don’t have to be mean all the time… Sometimes it feels good to do good things.
HARRY turns to DOUG and they do their handshake.
SIDNEY and HARRY bump into each other.
HARRY offers his had for a handshake. SIDNEY hesitates but takes the peace offering. The two engage in a “how low can you go?” dance off.
STUDENTS
Bye! Thanks for coming! We hope you enjoyed the show! Come back soon! etc.
