deck 1 Flashcards
hussey rule one
be prepared.
takes more than three weeks to prepare an imprompu speech
hussey rule two
be a master of the conversational sleight of hand
always answer the question you wish you’d have been asked
hussey rule three
learn to be an emotional conductor (and become impervious to insults, criticism and mockery)
control the mood instead of simply reacting to it
- remain calm
- decide your own mood
- re-direct criticism to something positive
a. calmly explain why incorrect
b. laugh it off and take it in stride
c. ignore it completely
(sometimes the strongest response is none at all)
hussey rule four
adopt a value delivering mindset (and let others praise you for it)
never take position for granted
a. not being complacent
b. being prepared to sell your ideas as though no one has ever heard them before
doesnt take criticism seriously or the praise doesnt pretend to be all knowing
value through over delivering entertainment intriguing ideas or fresh perspective on old problem
hussey rule five
being a master story teller
use vivid language prepare (rule one) etc
hussey rule six
be empathetic and show appreciation to others
seek first to understand, then to be understood
understand what concerns others and tailor your message to their needs feel like your message is just for them
scotthyoung rule one
never blame malice for what can easily be explained by conceit
people are mostly focused on themselves
- embarrassment doesnt make alot of sense since others are only focusing a small portion of their thoughts on judging you
- mean hurtful people dont usually do it intentionally
- relationships are your job to maintain. dont wait to be invited to parties or for people to approach you
scottyoung rule two
few social behaviors are explicit
most intentions behind our actions are hidden (ex. “fine” “go ahead” not meaning what say)
focus on empathy not just hearing a person youll get to heart of issue faster
most of the time you feel something nobodyelse knows dont get angry they cant read minds
scottyoung rule three
behavior is largely dictated by selfish altruism
- transactions buyer and seller both win
- familial
- status helping someone is a sign of power
- implied reciprocity i help you one day youll help me someday
scottyoung rule four
people have poor memories
dont get mad or offended if someone forgets your name or a meeting etc
you can demonstrate reliability by remembering things and being organized
scottyoung rule five
everyone is emotional
being sensitive to those underlying currents give you an advantage in trying to help
people generaly think everything with you is ok unless you have break down
scottyoung rule six
people are lonely
very common
scottyoung rule seven
people are self absorbed
need to take charge do not place individual happiness in the hands of others
do just to face fear
do just to face fear
not as awkward as i think
not as awkward as i think
focus outward (avoid self focused attention)
focus outward (avoid self focused attention)
what will happen? will it matter tomorrow, a year, 5 years.
what will happen? will it matter tomorrow, a year, 5 years.
people dont care as much as i think focused on selves
people dont care as much as i think focused on selves
avoid should thoughts
avoid should thoughts
anticipatory anxiety
anticipatory anxiety
capable of conversation and approaching
capable of conversation and approaching
YES! out of comfort zone
YES! out of comfort zone
people watch
people watch
observe (body language, clothing, location, color of items)
observe (body language, clothing, location, color of items)
open ended questions 5Ws and H
open ended questions 5Ws and H
avoid umms and uhhs
DON’T JUST SIT THERE!
any time social success exagerate positive
ex. made them laugh im funny not many people blah blah blah
how to act toward rude people
act if theyre shy act polite back as if youre not phased
intonation should not go up at end of sentence
when not asking question
truly listen be in the moment
do not think of your opinion or what you are going to say next
joke about lack of int walk away
but not really
stop bant move to report at some point
youll know when
involve everyone
friends bartender etc
have multiple sources of confidence
have many squares not one big one if you lose that you lose all confidence
3levels to confidence
surface- can be faked
middle- lifestyle friends family hobbies interests (get yo shit together)
core-gained by truly loving self appreciate who you are own best friend
3C’s
condition- well being, mental, and physical health
calling- what you do with timel
connections- friends, coworkers, servers, everyone
do not have to be perfect
3C’s should always be growing
am i waiting for oppurtunity or
am i creating opportunity
free chocolate story negotiation
compliment specific hows the day focus on them not you. need-im shopping for choc not used to nice choc whats your favorite put focus on them
compliment them. not earing look good but
you look great in those earings
forest fire
if they know a little about you they assume you are like that in other aspects of your life. they fill in the blanks with the info they have.
give person the image you want them to have
ex. i like you because you always buy lunch
dont be in head, worry about self, others opinions.
dont do anything to be liked or for others approval
focus on making others feel good
cooperative personality
treat everyone as if they have value and like they are equals from boss to homeless
story telling make them feel like they are there
and share emotions not the story
what did you find interesting about them
everyone cashiers strangers etc
find something unique about them and let them know
they want to be unique and interesting to you
accept anxiety
do not fight it
do not dwell on negative
only dwell on positive
dont think how relates to me. what are their motivations why do they like this
make statement about it
ex. (dancing) must be outgoing must be a good way to express yourself
what do they feel when they do this
be person person you want wants
secret camera on you all time do they like what they see
buy me a drink for something
ignore insults just continue no uhh umms
3 things reflex response
history- past experiences (most influential)
current mood- dont know what happened to them that day
you- (least important)
determine your standard positivity self assurance how much fun youll have do this before go out or it will be influenced by people youre with or interact with
once you decide your standard and you are in a good state
you influence others standards
physical chem.-visual includes looks, body language, movement, eye contact, way you walk, talk etc.
perceived value- what do i bring to the table do i represent values charachteristics others dont demonstrate
ex. cocky self assured and gentlemen (unique pairing not necessarily this example)
perceived challenge people dont value what they dont earn have to earn value
accept a6
7 combative need approval
8 competitive compliment
flag pole emotionaly stable dont be reactionary aka 7or8 (helps with police)
find reasons to love what you dont
notice accomplishments positives
5 years life terrible if dont try now
find reasons to love what you dont
notice accomplishments positives
5years life terrible if dont try now
working to change self/inner
not hedgm or others
replace need to, should, etc with
i will
to succeed
fail
beself
dgaf
ask why anxious right now
most likely no reason
AOC 3 important things
positive mant
visualizations
talk to everyone cashiers servers etc
to succeed at begining
get comfortable with location
start small
generous with energy focus outward
10 AOC things to do or watch for
- overuse filler words and talking to fast
- overly thought out answers
- waiting
- keep hands low
- no head snapping slow con movements
- fidgeting
- buying attention
- loosen jaw
- qualifying (unnecessary bragging)
- pecking
AOC execises
straighten up in doorways
describe stories with all five senses
long enough to know eye color
abundance mentality
comes from seeing the the world as a place full of amazing women who would love to meet a guy like you.
“ohh look another one”
first you could view it as a total waste of your time that you suffer through
or you could view it as just one part of a super fufilling life
to improve voice tonality
watch videos on youtube
read books outloud
listen to self on tape
modify your tone
to learn to talk about anything
quick word association
everyday when i wake up ask myself
how can i make today the best
own who you are
enjoy your life regardless of whether or not there is a woman in it. if you keep an active life filled with the things and people you enjoy then you truly wont need a woman to feel complete
show confidence by giving value
give her that attention and acceptance all people crave. look to brighten up her day. when you give freely like this (and expect nothing in return) you will not only come across as confident
to listen more effectively and avoid getting distracted by thoughts
listen repeat words in head to be in the moment
30 day challenge
incremental steps toward goals
journal to keep track
where will i be in one year if i dont try now
same place i am now
