Coaching Questions Flashcards
Every day questions
How can I be an example of what’s possible?
How can I get the housework done and have fun at the same time?
What can I do to laugh a lot of today?
How can I make today better than yesterday?
How can I make my future more exciting than my past?
How can I make myself a priority so I have more to give others?
What do I love about myself?
What am I grateful for?
How can I honor my body today?
What can I do to feel my emotions instead of eating them today?
How can I become more connected to my internal joy?
How can I make choices that benefit me and everyone around me at the same time?
How can I live my best life?
Is my purpose the life I’m living now?
Questions for clients
Why?
So what?
What are you making that mean?
Why are you choosing to think that?
Why is this a problem for you?
What’s coming up for you?
Why aren’t you taking action?
Where else does this happen in your life?
What is the worst thing that could happen?
How do you want to feel about this?
Why are you having this problem?
What are the facts or your story?
What are feeling right now?
What are you creating in your life when you do that?
What if you just wanted to be where you are?
What if nothing has gone wrong?
What are you choosing?
Can you imagine another way?
Can you imagine something different?
Is it possible that there’s another way to think about this?
What if this was all perfect?
How might this was all happening exactly as it should be?
What if you did know what to do?
What would this look like if it was easy?
What would love do in this situation?
What advice would your future self give you?
How do you want to show up in this situation?
Who do you want to be?
Using attitude of fascination and not judgement, tell me about the last time you screwed up.
What are your top five most painful thoughts?
Do you know the difference between a C and T?
Do you know what causes your feelings?
Do you know what causes you to feel negative emotions?
If you could make someone else change their behavior who would it be and why.
Disempowering/empowering questions
Identify and write down any disempowering questions you regularly ask yourself
Identify and write down empowering questions to replace the disempowering ones.
Uncovering beliefs
What do you believe about your life?
What do you believe about yourself?
What are the lessons your parents taught you?
What do you believe about your dreams coming true?
What do you believe about your ability to create what you want?
Why do you have your current results in your life?
What do you want to believe?
What are the results you most want in life?
What are the beliefs that have kept you from Getting these results so far?
What do you need to believe to get the results you want?
Why don’t you believe this yet? What are the thoughts get in the way?
Mental rehearsal
Think about the changes you want to make and visualize yourself having already made them. What’s different about you?
How do you handle problems differently?
How do you feel differently?
How do you act differently?
How do you show up differently?
When you imagine yourself practicing for this part in your new life, what are you doing well and what do you need to keep practicing?
How will you know when it has clicked for you?
New thoughts brainstorm
You are guided.
Everything is as it should be.
Everything happens for you.
It was meant to happen the way it did.
You are exactly as you should be.
Everything happened right on time.
The universe doesn’t make mistakes.
You are not your mind. You are the watcher of your mind.
Love is always an option.
Unconditional love is something I do for myself.
I’m responsible for everything I think and feel.
No one can cause an emotion inside me.
People are allowed to behave the way they want - we are allowed to react the way we want.
It’s not what we do it’s who we are.
There’s nothing you can do that wouldn’t be worthy of forgiveness.
There’s nothing wrong with you.
You are enough.
Nothing has gone wrong here.
We’re here to get to the work of ourselves.
Your purpose is the life you are living now.
You are deeply loved.
The world longs for what you have to offer.
There’s nothing you truly want that you can’t have.
Hard work feels amazing
We can do hard things.
Familiarity is not the same as comfort
Suffering is sometimes familiar but not necessary.
Worry serves no purpose.
Money is easy
There’s plenty of time.
You could do twice as much.
Everything you do is a choice.
Your past is perfect.
There’s nothing they can do to make you happy - that’s your job.
What you do doesn’t make you happy - what you think does.
You don’t have fun, you are fun.
What you look for you will find
What others think of me is about them not about me (good or bad)
Trying to get someone to love you to feel love is like trying to get someone to eat for you to feel full.
The manual
- Think about someone you want to change.
- Write in detail what you would like them to do.
- For each item write down why you want them to behave in this way.
- How do you think you would feel if they behaved this way?
- How would your thoughts about them change if they behaved this way?
- Do you want them to behave this way even if they don’t want to? Why or why not?
- What do you make it mean when they don’t behave this way?
- When someone wants you to behave and NBA certain way to make them feel good, what is it like for you?
Boundaries
- What is the boundary violation?
- What is the boundary you want to set?
- The request: if you…
- The consequence: then I will…
- What are your fears around establishing this boundary?
- What are the benefits of establishing this boundary?
- How will you set this boundary?
- How will you ensure that you honor your boundary?
Person of focus
- Judge this person. Don’t hold back. Let all the ugly judgements out of your head. Don’t edit yourself.
Go back through the list and notice how many of these judgements also apply to you. Circle those that are true about you. Notice that most of judgements of others are projections we have of ourselves.
- Describe the manual you have for the person of focus. What are your expectations of that person? What do you most want that person to do and why? Let yourself go to a perfect world where the person does exactly what you want them to do and when you want it. Be specific and allow yourself to be outrageous.
- What would you be thinking and feeling if that person did all these things perfectly? Notice that you can think and feel these things anyway.
- Allow that person to be who they are meant to be. So, who is that person? What do they do? How do they act? What are they consistent about? If you aren’t trying to control them or interfere, who are they in their actions?
- Why do you imagine that does these things and is this way? What thoughts do you imagine drive that persons actions?
- Do you live this person unconditionally? Why or why not? Make a note when you do love them and when you try to withhold love from them. Remember their low ability is 100%, so what is your excuse when you don’t love them?
- How do you show up in this relationship? Do you show up knowing that your lovabilty is 100%? Do you try to get them to love you more for your sake? How? Does it work? Why or why not?
- Who do you want to be in this relationship? What kind of employee, spouse, sibling, or friend do you want to be? Make sure you think about this separately from the other persons behavior don’t let that determine who you are decide who you want to be.
- How do you want to feel? Why?
- How do you want to act and show up?
- What do you want to offer to this person?
- How do you want to think? Remember that your relationship with someone is all about your thoughts about them and yourself within that relationship
- How do you want to think about yourself in this relationship?
- How do you want to think about the other person in this relationship?
- How do you want to define and think about your relationship together?
I’ve been meaning to tell you letter
Dear…
I’ve been meaning to tell you.
I admire you for…
I’m thankful for…
I remember when…
You have shown me how…
You told me…
I’m grateful for…
I love you because…
Self appreciation
Make a list (12) of all the things you like and appreciate about yourself. They can be small or big things.
Unconditional love
- Think of someone who’s challenging for you to love.
- Write the reasons why you find this person hard to love.
- What are your thoughts about this person that prevent you from loving them more?
- What conditions have you put on living this person? List them here.
- What does it feel like when you’ve chosen not to love this person?
- What would it be like to love this person without conditions?
- List a specific example on which this person does something you don’t like. What would it take and be like to love them in this moment?
- How is unconditional love different from love? How does it serve you?
- Is there ever a time when live is not a good choice? Why or why not?
Now feeling
- What are you feeling now?
- Where is this feeling in your body?
- What color is this feeling?
- What is the texture of this feeling?
- What is the speed of this feeling?
- What is the temperature of this feeling?
- How does this feeling make you want to react?
- Why are you feeling this?
Top 3 feelings
- On a daily basis what are your 3 most common feelings?
- Why do you think you have these feelings on a daily basis?
- What would like your top three feelings to be?
- Why?
- How would your results change if you change if you changed your top three feelings? Would you keep any the same? Why?
