Chapter 4 Intimacy Flashcards
Is key but it varies from person to person to person, memorable- first moment
Attraction
Psychological phenomenon that whatever is seen to be good/better people
(Tend to do better in job interview and tend to make more money)
Beautiful is better bias
How close you are to each other in terms of physical distance
Proximity effect
Relationships tend to do better when they share a lot of similarities
Similarity
Subtle behavior that suggests an interest- tends to be very safe
1) the approach
2) talk
3) swivel and turn
4) touch
5) synchronization
Flirting
Should want each other/ be attracted to each other at the same level
Reciprocity of attraction
3 components: intimacy, passion, commitment
Triangular theory of love
Emotional closeness, safety in Robert sternbergs triangular theory of love
Intimacy
Sexual attraction, butterflies, sex lives in Robert sternbergs triangular theory of love
Passion
Strength of commitment to each other in Robert sternbergs triangular theory of love
Commitment
6 different styles of love
John lees Styles of Love
Short lasting, erotic, excitement, love the high of a new relationship
Eros love
Player, attracted to the chase
Ludus love
Friendship love, peaceful, caring
Storge love
Clingy, can’t be apart, extremely jealous
Mania love
Practical, rational, kinda have a plan of how things should work out
Pragma love
Selfless love, give more than take, can’ be happy unless partners happy, tend to not look out for their own needs
Agape love
Validating, volatile, conflict-avoiding
John Gottman’s patterns of effective communication
Goal to understand form of communicating
Validating
Passionate, heated, stormy feeling, intense, not violent form of communication
Volatile
Not as common, okay letting things go and moving forward form of communication
Conflict-avoiding
Communication warning sign: it’s okay to do this, “I” statements
I wish I wasn’t the only one doing the dishes
I feel like we don’t spend time alone together
Complaining
Communication warning sign: putting the blame on your partner
You never do the dishes
You don’t make time for me
Criticism
Communication warning sign: aimed at persons character, needs continue not being met, natural for other person to respond in defensive manner
You just don’t care about our home
Contempt
Communication warning sign: response to contempt
What do you mean I don’t care about our home I don’t see you shoveling
Defensiveness
Communication warning sign: point of no return
Silent treatment
Giving up
Stonewalling
Sharing information about what you like and don’t like (sexual history)
Sexual self-disclosure
Benefits of sexual self-disclosure
Reduces unsafe practices
Increases discussion of STIs
More consistent contraception use (condoms)
Barriers of sexual self-disclosure
Lack of information
Embarrassment
Insecurity about using the right words
Sexual taboos
Fear of judgement
Fear of rejection
Guidelines for sexual communication
Knowing what you want
Insist on your rights
Be responsible
Lack of self knowledge (interest, lifestyle changes)
Acceptance of myths and stereotypes (men dominant, women passive, men are money makers)
Ineffective communication
Imbalance of power
Low self esteem
Reason relationships end
Types of relationship abuse
Physical
Emotional
Verbal
Reasons there are temptations to stay or difficulty leaving
Economic instability: dependent because no access to their money
Mental health consequences: no access to counseling or mental help
Physical health complications: at drs often for things like IBS
Vulnerable population: poverty, racial minorities
Can take 4-5 attempts before they actually leave
One partner not allowing partner to make decisions about their birth control, in hopes to impregnate and make partner stuck
- birth control sabotage
- pregnancy options
- higher rates of STIs
Reproduction coercion
