chapter 11

Question 1

What are dialectics?

Answer 1

Opposing motivations that can never be entirely satisfied because they contradict each other

Question 2

Be familiar with the different kinds of dialectics and know how to distinguish them and apply them

Answer 2

Autonomy vs. connection (self-sufficiency vs. asking for help)
Openness and closedness (e.g. disclosing information vs. privacy)
Stability vs. change (e.g. novelty vs. keeping things as they are)
Integration vs. seperation (e.g. stay at home or go to a party)

Question 3

Which attachment style is most commonly associated with conflict?

Answer 3

Insecure people

Question 4

What are illegitimate demands?

Answer 4

Something that instigates or starts a conflict

Question 5

With which phase of conflict are they associated?

Answer 5

beginning phase

Question 6

What are social allergies?

Answer 6

hrough exposure to small recurring nuisances, people may develop hypersensitive reactions of disgust and exasperation that seem out of proportion to any particular provocation

Question 7

What is attributional conflict?

Answer 7

When differing views come to light, partners will fight over whose explanation is right and whose account is wrong

Question 8

What are the characteristics of the “avoiders,”

Answer 8

rarely argue, avoid confrontation and are unlikely to discuss conflict
Try to fix it on their own or wait it out

Question 9

What are the characteristics of the “hostiles”

Answer 9

arguments are harmful, caustic events; fail to maintain 5-to-1 ratio of nice behavior to nasty conduct
Discussions are sprinkled with too much criticism, contempt, defensiveness, and withdrawal

Question 10

What are the characteristics of the “validators”

Answer 10

fight more politely, they tend to be calmer and behave like collaborators
If arguments becomes heated they will frequently validate one another by expressing empathy for and understanding of other’s points of view

Question 11

What are the characteristics of the “volatiles”

Answer 11

couples have frequent and passionate arguments
Fiery efforts to persuade and influence each other
Temper their anger with plent of wit and evident fondness for each other

Question 12

Structural Improvement

Answer 12

partners not only get what they want but also learn and grow and make desirable changes to their relationship
May result from significant turmoil an dupheaval

Question 13

Integrative agreement

Answer 13

satify both partners’ original goals and aspirations, usually throuh creativity and flexibility
Partners need to refine and prioritize their wishes, make selective concessions, and invent new ways of attaining their goals that do not impose upon their partners

Question 14

Compromise

Answer 14

both parties reduce their aspirations or gradually change their goals so that a mutually acceptable alternative can be found

Question 15

Domination

Answer 15

one partner gets their way when the other capitulates (surrenders)
Happens when one person is more powerful than the other

Question 16

Structural improvement, integrative agreements, compromise, and domination are associated with which stage of conflict?

Answer 16

Outcomes of conflict

Question 17

What is the Speaker-Listener Technique, and how does it work?

Answer 17

Provides a structure for calm, clear communication about contentious issues that promotes the use of active listening skills and increases the chances that partners will understand and validate each other despite their disagreement
Designed to interrupt the cycle of mispercerception that too often occurs when partners respond quickly to one another without checking their understanding of the other’s intent
Partners designate a small object as the “floor”, whoever has the floor is the speaker. That partner’s job is to concisely describe his or her feelings with “I-statements”, the listener’s job is to listen without interrupting and then to paraphrase the speakers message. When the speaker is satisfied that his or her feeling have been understood, the partners switch roles