Chapter 1: Scarcity Flashcards
Narcissism is correctly associated with a pattern of behaviors that include: (1) Grandiosity, (2) a pervasive Need for Admiration, and (3) Lack of Empathy.
What people do not understand is that these behaviors are Underpinned by Shame.
Shame is the Cause of these behaviors, Not the Cure.
When looked through the Lens of Vulnerability, Narcissism can be described as:
Shame-based Fear of being Ordinary.
This is the fear of Never Feeling Extraordinary enough to be Noticed, to be Lovable, to Belong, or to cultivate a sense of Purpose.
The act of Humanizing problems sheds an important Light on them, but:
That light goes out the minute a Stigmatizing Label is applied.
Three Questions to enable Learning through the Lens of Vulnerability:
(1) What are the Messages and Expectations that define our Culture and how does culture Influence our Behaviors?
(2) How are our Struggles and behaviors related to Protecting ourselves?
(3) How are our Behaviors, Thoughts, and Emotions related to vulnerability and the Need for a strong sense of Worthiness?
Scarcity is the “Never Enough” problem.
In “The Soul of Money” Lynne Twist refers to scarcity as “the great lie,” and writes:
For me, and for many of us, our First waking Thought is “I didn’t get enough Sleep.” The next one is “I don’t have enough Time.”
Whether true or not, that thought of not enough occurs to us Automatically before we even think to Question or Examine It.
We spend most of the hours and the days of our lives Hearing, Explaining, Complaining, or Worrying about what we don’t have enough of.
Before we even sit up in bed, before our feet touch the floor, we’re already Inadequate, already behind, already Losing, already Lacking something.
By the time we go to bed at night, our minds are racing with a litany of What We Didn’t Get, or didn’t get done, that day.
We go to Sleep Burdened by those thoughts and wake up to that reverie of Lack.
This internal condition of scarcity, this mind-set of scarcity, lives at the very heart of our Jealousies, our Greed, our Prejudice, and our Arguments with Life. (43-45)
Worrying about scarcity is our culture’s version of Post-Traumatic Stress because we focus on traumatic events like:
(This happens because we become Angry, Scared, and at each other’s throats, Instead of Coming Together to Heal.)
- 9/11
- multiple wars
- the recession and stock/housing market collapse
- catastrophic natural disasters
- the increases in random violence and mass shootings
- the staggering numbers of unemployed or underemployed workers
The scarcity dynamic affects: _____, and shares the same formula of _____.
(1) Family, School, Work/Jobs, and Community Cultures
(2) Shame, Comparison, and Disengagement
First Component of Scarcity: SHAME
Is fear of ridicule and belittling used to manage people and/or to keep people in line?
Is self-worth tied to achievement, productivity, or compliance?
Are blaming and finger-pointing norms?
Are put-downs and name-calling rampant?
What about favoritism?
Is perfectionism an issue?
Second Component of Scarcity: COMPARISON
Healthy competition can be beneficial, but is there constant overt or covert comparing and ranking?
Has creativity been suffocated?
Are people being held to one narrow standard rather than acknowledged for their unique gifts and contributions?
Is there an ideal way of being or one form of talent that is used as measurement of everyone else’s worth?
Third Component of Scarcity: DISENGAGEMENT
Are people afraid to take risks or try new things?
Is it easier to stay quiet than to share stories, experiences, and ideas?
Does it feel as if no one is really paying attention or listening?
Is everyone struggling to be seen and heard?
OVERCOME:
To grow a relationship or raise a family or create an organizational culture or run a school or nurture a faith community, all in a way that is Fundamentally Opposite to Cultural Norms driven by scarcity, it takes Awareness, Commitment, and Work…
…Every single day!
The larger culture is always applying pressure, and unless we’re willing to Push Back and Fight for what we believe in, the Default becomes a State of Scarcity.
We’re called to “Dare Greatly” every time we make choices that Challenge the Social Climate of Scarcity.
The counter-approach to living in scarcity is Not about Abundance or “more than you could ever imagine.”
The opposite of scarcity is Wholeheartedness, and at its very core is Vulnerability and Worthiness:
Facing uncertainty, exposure, and emotional risks, while knowing that I Am Enough.
In summary:
The Greatest Casualties of a Scarcity Culture are our Willingness to Own our Vulnerabilities and our Ability to Engage with the world from a Place of Worthiness.
SCARCITY: Looking Inside Our Culture of “Never Enough”
The one thing we all have in common is that we’re Sick of feeling Afraid.
We want to Dare Greatly.
We’re tired of the national conversation centering on “What should we Fear?” And “Who should we Blame?”
We all want to be Brave.
