BtW: Chapter 7 Flashcards
Boundaries: challenge?
-set, hold, respect boundaries
-challenge: let go of being liked; let go of fear of disappointing people
-embrace: let people be wrong about you
-embrace: you are human, flawed, wonderful
Reliability: challenge?
-say what you mean, mean what you say
-challenge: do not overcommit or overpromise; don’t need to please others or to prove ourselves
-embrace: small goals
-embrace: “what fits my values here?”
-embrace: i have nothing to prove
Accountability: challenge?
-step up, take responsibility, issue meaningful apology when wrong
-challenge: let go of blame, stay out of shame
-embrace: discomfort, consideration
-embrace: fail fast, i will make mistakes
Vault: challenge?
-keep confidences, recognize what’s ours to share and not
-challenge: stop gossip, common-enemy intimacy, oversharing (weak / insubstantial connection)
-embrace: acknowledge others’ discomfort or need to connect
-embrace: find positive connections
Integrity: challenge?
-practice my values even when uncomfortable and hard
-challenge: choose courage over comfort
-embrace: discomfort
-embrace: awareness, slow down, acknowledge discomfort, sit with it
-embrace: you don’t have to defend your values or convince someone else of them
Nonjudgment: challenge?
-learn how to give and receive help
-challenge: let go of “helper and fixer” as identity or source of self-worth
-embrace: people aren’t broken, and neither am i
-embrace: people and me are inherently “flawed” and that is beautiful
-embrace: not everything is a problem; i don’t need to fix anything
Generosity: challenge?
-set boundaries that allow us to be generous in our assumptions about others
-challenge: be honest and clear with others about what’s okay and what’s not
-embrace: thinking best of people
-embrace: hurt people hurt people (if someone seems to personally affront, it says more about them)
A luxury of the privileged
-protecting the status quo against our internal convictions
-(underdogs and outliers and marginalized have no choice but to experience the daily wilderness)
One of our most treasured idols
human approval
-the offering we must lay at its hungry feet is keeping others comfortable
-embrace: discomfort, not need others to like you (belong rather than fit in)
Vulnerability is birthplace of…
-love, joy, trust, intimacy, courage; so much of the meaning of life
Vulnerability: if we’re uncomfortable with emotion, if we equate vulnerability with weakness
“are we willing to show up and be seen when we can’t control the outcome?”
*vulnerability is uncertainty, risk, emotional exposure - and most accurate measure of courage
vulnerability: if our experiences of trauma have taught us it is dangerous
“are we willing to create courageous spaces so we can be fully seen?”
*vulnerability is uncertainty, risk, emotional exposure - and most accurate measure of courage
Why “put yourself first”?
-we can’t give what we don’t have
-love, belonging, joy: irreducible human needs
-how we treat ourselves is how we treat the world
important work besides basic human needs or civil rights…
-love, belonging, joy
key to joy
gratitude practice
-when grateful for what you have, you can understand the magnitude of what has been lost
causes less empathy
-diminishing our own pain
-ranking our pain against others’
Constant evaluation
-let it go; protect our wild hearts especially from our own evaluation - call to courage
-true belonging and self-worth are not goods
-go through life not looking for signs of not good enough or not belonging; look for the positive
fitting in: being somewhere you want to be, but they don’t care one way or the other
belonging: being somewhere you want to be and they want you
fitting in: being accepted for being like everyone else
belonging: being accepted for you
fitting in: i have to be like you
belonging: i get to be like me
the world needs…
me to show up and stand up for my beliefs
They say: “don’t do it. you don’t have what it takes to survive the wilderness.”
I say: “I am the wilderness.”
