brothers grimm spectaculathon Flashcards

1
Q

Girl:
if only i knew where my father was who could spin straw into gold and talk to wolves and make deals with the elves and who was also acquainted with a talking fox

A

excuse me - but i couldn’t help overhearing your tale of misery and woe. tell you what - i will grant you your hearts desire if you give me one small thing.

How well did you know this?
1
Not at all
2
3
4
5
Perfectly
2
Q

Girl:
untouched like the pure snow which has not yet been peed upon by sled dogs, like a bird flitting to and fro -

A

i get it. i vanish. i vanish again.

How well did you know this?
1
Not at all
2
3
4
5
Perfectly
3
Q

Rapunzel:
we’re gonna run away together and have tadpoles and -

Narrator 1:
and just then

A

i have returned.

How well did you know this?
1
Not at all
2
3
4
5
Perfectly
4
Q

girl:
fine, what do you want?

A

(with devil and rumplestilsken)

your child

um my deal was first

How well did you know this?
1
Not at all
2
3
4
5
Perfectly
5
Q

devil:
everyone knows babies come from the devil

A

i saw her first you can’t even think that you’re going to get this baby

How well did you know this?
1
Not at all
2
3
4
5
Perfectly
6
Q

rapunzel:
i’m not cleaning that up

A

now that that horrid little man is gone, i will take rapunzel

How well did you know this?
1
Not at all
2
3
4
5
Perfectly
7
Q

devil:
um excuse me im the devil

A

so?

How well did you know this?
1
Not at all
2
3
4
5
Perfectly
8
Q

devil:
lord of darkness? all that? i think i’ve got a little more claim to this girl than some stupid little witch

A

enchantress

How well did you know this?
1
Not at all
2
3
4
5
Perfectly
9
Q

devil:
whatever. witch.

A

i will cast a spell on you

How well did you know this?
1
Not at all
2
3
4
5
Perfectly
10
Q

girl:
i just like him better

A

i curse you!

How well did you know this?
1
Not at all
2
3
4
5
Perfectly
11
Q

devil:
i curse you right back! you know what, this is stupid. tell ya what, if you sign this contract here, i will let you take rapunzel

A

that sounds like a plan

How well did you know this?
1
Not at all
2
3
4
5
Perfectly
12
Q

devil:
moo ah ah ah ah and i disappear in a cloud of brimstone!

A

well, come along rapunzel

How well did you know this?
1
Not at all
2
3
4
5
Perfectly
13
Q

rapunzel:
where are we going?

A

i built this great tower for you

How well did you know this?
1
Not at all
2
3
4
5
Perfectly
14
Q

rapunzel:
okay so i just sit in my tower right

A

right

How well did you know this?
1
Not at all
2
3
4
5
Perfectly
15
Q

why?

A

no reason. probably i’m just bored. i could also be acting out for a bad childhood. or, the feminist interpretation would be that being a woman is a dead end field in our society and putting you in a tower which in itself is a phallic symbol symbolizes that there is no escape from womanhood in the universe. all that matters about you is your hair, which in turn is a highway for the masculine force of our patriarchal society to enter and take possession of you. for as a woman, a possession is all that you are.

How well did you know this?
1
Not at all
2
3
4
5
Perfectly
16
Q

rapunzel:
ri-ight

A

i wrote a paper on this in college. i got a b+ because i was discriminated against. now - my pretty - you are going to wait here until i come up with something original to do with you - in the meantime i want you to try all these radioactive hair care products and see what happens

How well did you know this?
1
Not at all
2
3
4
5
Perfectly
17
Q

narrator 2:
and for no apparent reason, the enchantress decided to use her hair as a ladder

A

rapunzel! let down your hair to me!

How well did you know this?
1
Not at all
2
3
4
5
Perfectly
18
Q

rapunzel:
why didn’t you build stairs?!

A

my architect was drunk!

How well did you know this?
1
Not at all
2
3
4
5
Perfectly
19
Q

narrator 2:
so up climbed the enchantress

rapunzel:
owowowowowow

A

enchantress:
would it hurt you to wash this? hold still. there’s a birds nest in here. stop moving. you’re ruining this for me.

How well did you know this?
1
Not at all
2
3
4
5
Perfectly
20
Q

rapunzel:
owowowowowowow
(gets up to tower)

A

what’s up?

How well did you know this?
1
Not at all
2
3
4
5
Perfectly
21
Q

rapunzel:
what do you want?

A

hey um… what is my motivation here?

How well did you know this?
1
Not at all
2
3
4
5
Perfectly
22
Q

narrator 2:
ummm doesn’t really say

A

i just lock this mutant chick up for no reason?

How well did you know this?
1
Not at all
2
3
4
5
Perfectly
23
Q

narrator 2:
yeah, there’s really no reason for it

A

huh. all right, i guess i’m just some kind of sadistic witch

How well did you know this?
1
Not at all
2
3
4
5
Perfectly
24
Q

narrator 2:
like my ex-girlfriend

A

getting on with it. i have locked you in this tower, rapunzel; because…because a woman’s place is in the home. or in the tower.

How well did you know this?
1
Not at all
2
3
4
5
Perfectly
25
Q

rapunzel:
but i want a job

A

too bad. do some housework

How well did you know this?
1
Not at all
2
3
4
5
Perfectly
26
Q

rapunzel:
there’s no furniture

A

make some. goodbye

How well did you know this?
1
Not at all
2
3
4
5
Perfectly
27
Q

rapunzel:
weren’t you going to bring me lunch?

A

oh right. you know what, i forgot your sack lunch at home. i’ll have to climb back in later

How well did you know this?
1
Not at all
2
3
4
5
Perfectly
28
Q

(prince leaves tower)

A

rapunzel! rapunzel! let down your hair

How well did you know this?
1
Not at all
2
3
4
5
Perfectly
29
Q

rapunzel:
what am i, a ladder?
ow ow ow ow ow ow ow

A

who was that?

How well did you know this?
1
Not at all
2
3
4
5
Perfectly
30
Q

rapunzel:
nobody

A

don’t lie to me! you just had a man over!

How well did you know this?
1
Not at all
2
3
4
5
Perfectly
31
Q

rapunzel:
you’re being overprotective!

A

i know what’s best for you!

How well did you know this?
1
Not at all
2
3
4
5
Perfectly
32
Q

rapunzel:
i want to go and hang out with friends!

A

they’re a bad influence on you! i kept you here to protect you, don’t you see? from all those horrible men out there. and from bad influences on television and morning radio programs where all they talk about are bodily functions and getting wasted last night. that’s why you’re homeschooled. because modern society is horrible, darling. and if you go out there and hear a bad word or see something suggestive you’re going to fall apart and live the rest of your life strung out on drugs and riding ok the back of a guy named tanks harley. don’t you see? i did it for you.

33
Q

rapunzel:
oh. you’re just trying to protect me from the real world. i get it now.

A

see? its because i love you that i lock you away in a tower and don’t let anyone near you. i don’t want to see you make the same mistakes i did so im taking away any possibility that you make any decisions whatsoever. its called parenting. your parents would have done the same thing if i didn’t steal you from them.

34
Q

rapunzel:
yeah my real parents were jerks

A

which is what makes this all the more difficult

35
Q

rapunzel:
ahhhhhh i’m bald

A

yes and now im going to banish you to a desert where you can wander for the rest of your life and think about how you disappointed me

36
Q

narrator 2:
can we get back to our story please?

narrator 1:
right-o

A

i’ll just put rapunzel a hair on my head and wait for that hunky prince

37
Q

prince 2:
rapunzel! rapunzel! let down your hair!

A

here are you are my darling!
owowowowowoo

38
Q

prince 2:
ah! you’re not rapunzel!

A

oh so now you’re picky about who’s up here in the tower

39
Q

narrator 2:
and as luck would have it he hit a thorn bush which poked out both his eyes

prince 2:
aack

A

that’s really too bad. i liked him. you know, i have this weird feeling that i’m slightly responsible for this situation. i’m over it. okay, what’s on the calendar for today?

turning a man into a golden goose. that should be rewarding.

40
Q

dwarf 2:
oh come on, now everybody’s doing it!

A

are y’all gonna need me any time soon?

41
Q

snow white:
but her step-mother was jealous

A

snow white.

42
Q

dwarf 2:
stepmother

A

is that a zit i see on your face?

43
Q

dwarf 2:
you’d like that, wouldn’t you?

A

i do believe you’re putting on weight.

44
Q

dwarf 2:
not on this body, sister. these curves are tight and streamlined like a racing yacht owned by a rich colombian drug dealer.

A

i think you might need to tweeze your eyebrows. they’re looking… puffy

45
Q

snow who’re:
just go with it. and the stepmother went to her room and gazed into her magic mirror.

A

mirror mirror on the wall, who’s the fairest of them all?

46
Q

dwarf 1:
well its certainly not you.

A

curses!

47
Q

snow white:
it was her stepmother

A

stepmother.

48
Q

dwarf 2:
snow white.

A

snow white.

49
Q

dwarf 2:
stepmother

A

look at me and know despair, snow white. for i have a lot of money and have been through a lot of plastic surgery in hollywood. my bust points north, my skin is as smooth as a lake after a storm and i’ve had all my tattoos lasted off. i’ve tucked, sucked, vacuumed and erased every visible trace of life experience in the past twenty seven years, and now, i am more beautiful than even you.

50
Q

dwarf 1 (the mirror):
not quite.

A

dang it! well how about an apple as a peace offering?

51
Q

dwarf 2:
when are you going to learn stepmother, that we women shouldn’t be judged by our surface beauty but rather by the contents of our brains?

A

um… that’s just stupid.

52
Q

dwarf 2:
well how bout i use my martial arts skills to take you out then?

A

oh it’s on!

53
Q

snow white:
until finally

A

i shall transform myself into a black dragon! ah hah hah hah!

54
Q

snow white:
no that was in the sleeping beauty movie

A

i thought we were doing the sleeping beauty movie

55
Q

dwarf 2:
take that, witch!

A

ah! i’m melting! actually i’m… bleeding! ahhhhhh

56
Q

walt:
its tough being a princess i wish i was something else, like a frog.

A

done.

57
Q

narrator 2:
i think she thinks the oscar committee is watching. but just then, her wicked stepmother entered.

A

why cinderella, what seems to be the trouble?

58
Q

cinderella:
life! life and the misery it entails! if only my mother - my poor, dear, dead motherF were alive, she would take me to the ball

A

come here and sit on your step mothers lap

59
Q

cinderella:
that’s weird.

A

get over it

now boy, youve really been hitting the pot roast, haven’t you? you’d think that eating dust and sleeping on the hearth would make you skinny -

60
Q

cinderella:
im big-boned

A

right. now. would you like to go to the ball with us? before you answer! think! all those people looking at you. people who hate you on sight

its probably a nightmare. you’re lucky you get to stay home and clean things for us. let’s say you meet charming: oh, it goes alright at first, but then he notices you have bad breath because you haven’t been flossing for the past seven years and he fainted, the entire kingdom is in jeoprody -

61
Q

wicked stepsister 2:
mother, aren’t you coming?

A

in a moment dear, run along

62
Q

wicked stepsister 1:
oh no you didn’t!

A

girls, please! you’re both pretty. you’re both going to the ball. you both need to exit right now without saying anything else.

63
Q

narrator 2:
and so… they left.

A

thank you. now, cinderella, i am a fair wicked stepmother, so….. i am going to empty an entire dish of lentils into the fireplace, and once you have picked them all out, you may go to the ball with us

64
Q

cinderella:
oh i am truly blessed! thank you birds! fly, fly to freedom!

A

we’re off to the ball!

65
Q

cinderella:
look wicked stepmother! i have removed all of the lentils

A

really?

well ain’t that a kick in the pants. um….

66
Q

cinderella:
so i will be accompanying you to the ball! oh how i love balls!

A

frankly, i don’t think you’re good enough for balls. besides, you’ve got nothing to wear. we’d look pretty stupid carting your ugly mug around in those rage all night long. too bad. have to be going.

67
Q

narrator 2:
and just then cinderella’s wicked stepmother and two wicked stepsisters arrived

A

cinderella!

68
Q

narrator 2:
but they did manage to have a conversation. it went like this:

narrator 2:
do it

A

you should go to the dance with the princess

69
Q

snow white:
you’re not going to oppress me!

A

i’m hotter than you!

70
Q

snow white:
i don’t judge myself by my looks but i am still hotter than you!

A

want to fight about it

71
Q

(fights with snow white)

A

your kung fu is stronger than mine

72
Q

walt:
hi my name is walt and i haven’t appeared much in this play yet but i have a big dramatic monologue here that’s three pages long and

A

i’m rising from the dead and cursing you.

73
Q

girl:
ah! the dev and the enchantress and the weird guy!

rumplestilsken:
rumplestilsken. darn it

A

deal?

74
Q

girl:
tough cause i already sold you to the devil and the enchantress and the weird guy

A

come along rapunzel! i have a nice tower for you

75
Q

devil:
you can have her as long as you sign this contract

A

fine!

76
Q

prince:
i like long hair!

rapunzel:
i like you!

A

how dare you talk to anyone else

77
Q

crab person (jas):
what? oh so that’s how it is? no crab people? fine. see if i care

A

go live in a desert!

78
Q

prince:
baby?

A

die die die die!

79
Q

narrator 1:
and they lived happily ever after

narrator 2:
and

A

i hope that contract i signed with the devil doesn’t have any repercussions