Bad Auditions By Bad Actors Flashcards
CD:Hi.
Meg McCrossen. How are you? I was running late from a movement rehearsal but. Do you mind if I take a moment to warm up?
CD:No,although we do have other people coming in-
Of course. It’ll only take a minute. I just have a hard time auditioning unless I’m completely centered.
CD: No, um, if you want we could bring someone in-
Thank you, but, no, I’ll only be a minute.
Rodger: um do you think I could go to the bathroom real quick?
Ca-ca-ca-CAAAAA! HEEEEEE! MeeeEEEHH! MeeEEEHH! SHHHHhhhhh…
CD: Um… she said she’d only be a minute so…
Eeeeeh.wwwwwaaaaa. WWWWAAAAA!!!!!
CD: I think…. Okay, I think she’s having a seizure. Rodger call the-
I’m ready to begin now
CD: Okay , great,that was quiet.
I’M READY!TO!BEGIN! BE!BE!BE!BEGIN! NOOOOOOOOOOOOW!
….
I‘m ready to begin now! I’m ready! READY! RE! RE! I! I’MMMMMM! READY to begin… NOW! NOW! NOW! NoOOOOOOWWWWW! huh,huh,huh,huh,huh
CD; Okay,Meg, we really need to get started
We need to get started.
CD: Yes, we’re running behind
We’re running behind!
What are you doing?!?
What are you doing?!
I’m not going to do a Meisner exercise with you!
I’m not going to do a Meisner exercise with you!
I’m serious!
I’m serious!
CD: stop this at once!
Stop this at…. aaaaAAAAHHHHH! Merrily we roll along! Roll along! Roll along! ToOOOOOO-DAAAAYYYY!
…
Sorry, I never give a good audition unless I’m completely centered
I guess that’s understandable, um… we’re going to start running behind.
Of course I…
…
Eeeep.Eeeep.Eeeep.
…
Is this the theater in which the play will be performed?
Yes.
These acoustics are unacceptable. Your high C’s are going to bounce around the ceiling and my consonants are getting drowned out by the shoddy curtains. Call me when the proper upgrades are made.
