Anger Is Everywhere Flashcards
When is it the right time place and degree to be angry?
Never nowhere and nill. Except:
- unskilled physical fighting
- unskilled method acting of angry scenes
- one time negotiations with weaker opponents with whom a relationship is unimportant and provided they have no opportunity for deceit or revenge and that any onlookers you have have future dealings with won’t think less of you because of it, including yourself
Is it an evolved state?
Yes, it revolved to ready us for fighting. Testosterone and adrenaline course through our veins, heart pounds, muscles tense, blood pools in thighs.
Before language, laws, and civilised societies fighting was a frequent and crucial part of daily existence.
Anger literally bullied its way into the gene pool.
But if something pisses you off it pisses you off; you can’t change the way you feel about something
This is why people refer to anger management not treatment. But rather than damming or damning, let’s go upstream and stem the flow.
We can achieve this by softening our demands, including through reflection. That can be done systematically.
Can we just tell the angry how to behave when they’re angry?
However good the rules of engagement, in the heat of anger you’re not likely to want to use them.
To stem at the flow results in you being genuinely tolerant, appreciative and respectful.
Should we just communicate our anger?
Communicating how you ‘feel’ about something is not always important in dealing with issues.
As emotional expression goes, anger is loaded, to say the least.
Should we just vent our anger?
You don’t typically feel better after venting. And you can feel better without venting (eg by sleeping on it, or receiving an advanced apology).
Instead you’re just rehearsing your anger.
Is anger constructive when framed as a mutual problem?
Anger is in its essence adversarial. When used asan attempt to solve a problem it is manipulative, and adds a secondary issue to the primary.
Can anger be relationship enhancing?
Yeah nah. The desire to get someone to stop doing something that humiliates you is very different from the desire to enhance your relationship with someone.
Usually it’s about solving your OWN problems at the EXPENSE of the relationship.
But I get angry to make the world a better place?
That’s bullshit; Anger is a reaction not action. You may genuinely want to fix something but that desire isn’t the reason you got angry in the first place. No one got angry because they dreamt of a better place.
Is anger a mask for insecurities?
There’s no correlation between insecurity and anger. And increasing self esteem doesn’t decrease anger.
But what about teasing the fat girl about her weight? Isn’t it her insecurity that makes her more angry?
Nah, just a greater perceived maliciousness of the offense, rather than a sadness at the weight.
But the depressed are angry as well, is this why they’re sad boys?
Typically this is because they’re angry at the world and feel cheated by it. In order to feel such contempt, paradoxically, they just view themselves as in some way superior; entitled to a better life and deserving of better treatment.
