Airness Flashcards
Shreddy Eddy Lines
“Worst idea you’ve ever had man” - D Vicious
Somebody does crucified Jesus every year, don’t be that guy
“It’s sonic coherence on every level. How are people not putting it together?” - Golden Thunder
It’s a killer supercut, man. But maybe it’s just a little too much. That’s a lot of threads to weave into sixty seconds.
“If we lose sight of that, what are we even doing here?” -Golden Thunder
I saw a guy play n-ked in Des Moines this year
“Did he place?” - D Vicious
Disqualified
“And this will be, what, the fourth year you don’t qualify for Nationals?” - D Vicious
Woah, dude! That’s harsh.
“Am I not allowed to bring up the actual fact that neither one of you have ever qualified for the National Championships?” -D Vicious
I mean, you can bring it up. You don’t have to be a jerk about it. (Short pause) Last year was your first year at Nationals, and you won the whole thing. One of us could pull that off. Plus, this season, my song is untouchable. Which you would know, if you had been to any of the qualifiers
“It doesn’t matter how superior your taste is if you cant put on a show.” - D Vicious
(a tense pause)
Dude, that Sprite commercial really inflated your ego
“I’ll probably just throw something together in the green room during round one” - D Vicious
(hurt) You’re not even going to watch us play?
“I’ve got plenty of time to figure that out” - D Vicious
What are you playing?
“I got lots to get done” - D Vicious
(skeptical) Like what?
“Shreddy Eddy, it fills my heart to the brim to see you hale and hearty.” - Facebender
Happy to have you in the room, buddy
“Egregious!” -Facebender
The judges at some of these small qualifiers, I mean, who are they? What qualifies them to judge competitive air guitar on our level, you know?
“Un-commercializable” - Golden Thunder
Totally democratic
“And we look totally cool doin’ it” - D Vicious
(click glasses)
But do these new judges understand that? No. They do not. These qualifiers used to be judged by rock gods, real legends. But now there are so many of them, its washed-up comedians and satellite radio DJs.
“Hey Shreddy. Golden. Facebender.” - Canibal Queen
Hey, CQ
“As skilled as she is mysterious. The Aphrodite of air guitar” - Facebender
That’s excessive, but I will admit, Cannibal Queens got the best technique in the game right now. There’s nothing the judges can pull out in the second round that she cant nail.
“This isn’t Carnegie Hall-“
(interrupting) Technical points win championships-
“Dispute it if you can, Shreddy. You can’t!” - Golden Thunder
Don’t dismiss your technical scores is all I’m saying. You might be able to fudge your left hand placement here in small qualifiers, but on the National stage? The international stage> That just doesn’t wash. That’s not going to wash in Finland. Air guitar is not a joke to anyone in Finland.
“I regret to inform you that the show doesn’t start for a few more hours.” - Facebender
I think they open the doors at nine. There’s a place with good pizza up the street, if you need to kill time.
“I know what time the show starts. I’m registered to compete” - Nina
“Really?” - Golden
Fresh meat!
“Delightful” - Facebender
I’m Ed Leary, Shreddy Eddy
“Those are your stage names?” - Nina
They’re our personas. Important distinction.
“It has already begun, you see” - Facebender
“I guess” - Nina
When we’re among competitors, we go by our personas.
“I’m Nina” - Nina
What do you go by onstage?