ACT TWO Flashcards

0
Q

U.B.: I don’t know!

A

Which question are you answering?

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1
Q

lights go on

A

Strangled?!

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2
Q

Ben: There are more important matters to attend to!

A

Hold it! Let me just get out my notepad-! There, that’s got it! Proceed.

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3
Q

Others Except Alma: Why?

A

Yes, Chief Inspector, why is it we never allow the body to be moved until it’s been examined?

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4
Q

Ben: … tea was served!

A

I don’t get it….?

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5
Q

Ben: … with what did Mimosa make the tea?

A

With the bottled water, of course, Chief Inspector.

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6
Q

Ben: … and then get on again with this investigation.

A

Do you want me to erase the bit about Mimosa and the tea, or do you want me to turn in an honest report?

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7
Q

Ben: Now, really, Alma-!

A

Only joking. It’ll spice up my chronicle quite nicely.

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8
Q

Ben: What chronicle?

A

Well, Hercule Poroh has his Hastings- Sherlock Holmes had his Watson- and you’ve got your Threedle!

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9
Q

Ben: … my departmental exploits?

A

Who else have I got?

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10
Q

Ben: This is wrong, all wrong!

A

What is, sir-?

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11
Q

Ben: … I suppose it does!

A

Let me get this straight, for my official note-taking. You all despised him?

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12
Q

Ben: Who said you were?

A

You did!

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13
Q

Ben: Nonsense!

A

It’s right here in my notes, sir!

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14
Q

Ben: … This woman is obviously innocent!

A

What?!

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15
Q

Remley: Did we miss anything while we were gone?

A

Inspector Braddock has determined that this beautiful blonde is innocent.

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16
Q

Ben: Is that all you wrote down, Inspector Threedle?

A

All that wouldn’t make you look like a complete nincompoop!

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17
Q

Remley/Mimosa: No trouble at all!

A

Benjamin, is that quite- wise?

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18
Q

Ben: Is what quite wise?

A

Getting the dagger cleaned! There could be fingerprints or something!

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19
Q

Ben: … Probably wasn’t an important clue anyhow.

A

You hope.

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20
Q

Jasmine: Aaaagh! (#3)

A

I believe she’s trying to tell us something!

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21
Q

Nancy: … Jasmine is more than merely drunk-?

A

Well. It’s easy enough to find out.

Dead as a doornail.

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22
Q

Ben: Who would want to murder Jasmine Perdoo?

A

Such a strong odor of bitter almonds. That bourbon must have been loaded with cyanide!

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23
Q

Fredonia: … The odor of bitter almonds!

A

So that must have been when the cyanide was introduced into Jasmine’s drink!

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24
Q

Bibi: Which was quite uncharacteristic of the man, oddly enough.

A

You think he knew the bourbon was poisoned?

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25
Q

U.B.: You will let us know when you do, I hope-?

A

Careful there- or you’ll be the main suspect again!

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26
Q

Monica: What wife would want an adorable woman in bed with her husband?

A

She’s got you there, Ben!

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27
Q

Ben: … where is the pistol that fired it?

A

Not to mention the bullet!

28
Q

Pierre: But somebody must have put it there!

A

Even so- where is the bullethole?

29
Q

U.B.: …. I’ve never seen this man in my life!

A

How do you know you haven’t?

30
Q

Nancy: Be careful, Roderick! He might be armed!

A

Roderick?

31
Q

Tom- … - well- I was afraid to chance it.

A

Just a moment, there are no unoccupied houses along this section of the coast.

32
Q

Ben: Who says there were, Alma?

A

He did- not in so many words, of course- but why would he be surprised to find there were people in this room, otherwise?

33
Q

Pierre: …. Take him away, Inspector.

A

It’s no crime to look in the window of a house to which you’ve been invited.

34
Q

Monica: Invited by whom?

A

Unless I miss my guess- by Mimosa.

There-there dear, it’s quite all right.

35
Q

Mimosa: I- we wanted to- well-

A

Eloping, weren’t you! Tonight!

36
Q

Mimosa: …. Except-

A

You didn’t count on the blackout, did you!

37
Q

Ben: … mind awfully if I did the deducing!

A

Certainly not. Go ahead, sir.

38
Q

Ben: …. see if your theories dovetail perfectly with my own!

A

As you wish, sir.

The closed drapes were a signal, weren’t they?

39
Q

Ben: How do you know?

A

Ben- that’s who the young man is!

40
Q

U.B.: I thought it might be.

A

Go on, Mimosa, please!

41
Q

Ben: Now, let me see- where to begin-!

A

You might have a go at that message written in blood-!

42
Q

Ben: … They’re printed in block letters!

A

Inspector, a person’s printing is as individual as his cursive writing.

43
Q

Ben: …. Did I say something amusing?

A

No sir, of course you didn’t! So if you laughing jackasses will repress your risibilities and get down to cases- there is a killer in this room, and the sooner we identify that killer, the safer you’ll all sleep tonight!
That’s much better. Now let’s get on with the investigation, shall we?

44
Q

Nancy: … How shall we begin?

A

I believe a further delving into the late Lord Clive’s hobby is indicated! Don’t you agree, Inspector?

45
Q

Ben: …. Why, exactly, Alma-?

A

The fact that Lord Clive took the trouble to make his way to his desk and lean over it so he’d be sure we’d connect those bloody words to the hobby! I mean, it would have been much easier to scrawl the message on the wall!

46
Q

Monica: …. Clive was as tightfisted as a novice trapeze-artist working without a net!

A

I say, that’s a rather good metaphor, Lady Monica! Might I use it sometime in my detective novels?

47
Q

U.B.: …. Lord Clive’s body to even notice what I was holding in my hand!

A

I’m inclined to agree with her. I saw the look of shock on her face when the lights came up. It would be extremely hard to counterfeit that emotion!

48
Q

Bibi: Chauvinists!

A

Would you feel that way if they were talking about you?

49
Q

Bibi: Why- I- that is- um-

A

That’s what I thought, Miss Cavendish.
Lady Monica, there’s something I don’t understand about your husband’s hobby. Those two phrases at the top of the page are not originals- they’re standard palindromes that’s almost everybody knows. Yet you say your husband created them?

50
Q

Algy: … Shouldn’t we set about catching his killer?

A

That’s precisely what we are doing, Algernon. For, you see, your late father’s hobby is the clue that identifies his murderer!
Isn’t that correct, Inspector?

51
Q

Ben: Tell her, Sergeant!

A

All in good time. But before the inspector reveals the identity of the culprit, there is just one more item that needs to be brought to light: the whereabouts of the missing bullethole!

52
Q

Ben: Uh… tell them, Sergeant!

A

Better than that, I’ll show them!… With your permission, sir-?

53
Q

Ben: … -what we- discovered!

A

Monsieur Pourri- would you be kind enough to place that brass vase with the peacock feathers back onto the desk?

54
Q

Fredonia: Back onto the desk?

A

The inspector noticed, when the lights came up, that the vase had been moved to the mantel from its original location on the desk.

55
Q

Bibi: What a terrible tragedy!

A

It would be- if that’s where the bullet stopped.

56
Q

Remley: Then why was the vase moved?

A

To hide the fact that this painting is not that priceless Gauguin!… Monsieur Pourri- if you please?

57
Q

Tom: Where is the original?

A

Right where the killer hid it!

58
Q

Ben: But you said-

A

That was merely to make the thief of the Gauguin blurt out his or her identity! Theft is not a capital crime, but murder is! I rather suspected it was Algy, but I had to make certain. The thought of facing the gallows for a murder he did not perpetrate was enough to shatter his careful composure.

59
Q

Remley: …. -where is the missing bullethole?

A

Behind the painting, in the wall!

60
Q

Algy: By George, you’re right, Sergeant!… But- how did you know?

A

The bullet had to go somewhere in this room. Yet it was nowhere to be seen. Which meant something had to be covering it. The portrait was the likeliest choice- but of course that meant that during the time when the lights were out, that portrait had to be off the wall.

61
Q

Mimosa: Oh, that’s right. We always forget about poor Miss Perdoo!

A

Well, you shouldn’t, because Jasmine Perdoo is the key to the entire mystery!

62
Q

Others: What?!

A

And Inspector Braddock will explain everything to you!

63
Q

Others Except Alma: Well…..?

A

Mimosa- is dinner about ready?

64
Q

Mimosa: Dinner?…. Oh. Why- yes, it should be ready to serve momentarily….

A

Then I suggest that we all go in to dinner and fortify ourselves, and as soon as we return here, Inspector Braddock will show you all just exactly what happened while the lights were out.

65
Q

Ben: …. what happened while the lights were out!

A

That’s why I got those other people out of here, sir. If you’ll just pay close attention, I shall tell you what happened.

66
Q

Ben: … with aplomb and admirable ingenuity?

A

Precisely, sir.

67
Q

Ben: How kind and utterly unselfish of you!

A

Kindness has nothing to do with, Ben. I have a book to write, and who’d want to read a mystery novel about a stupid detective?!

68
Q

Ben: Sergeant Threedle, I resent your implication!

A

But do you deny it?