Act One Scene Two Flashcards
(Martha): No Portia stop it! Be quiet! Willie! Could you get the door, please, I’m having trouble with my corsage
Sorry Mother, I’m still in my robe. I simply can’t do things as quickly with this damn sling on my arm!
(M): Well then you shouldn’t have invited your friends for the weekend. And on Christmas Eve
But that makes it festive. Besides, none of them has any other family to speak of
(M): Oh, balderdash. I find this very odd. You were shot just two weeks ago and you need to recover
I am recovered. I’m simply lame at the moment. Like Richard the Third, “I am not shaped for sportive tricks nor made to court an amorous looking glass
(M): Willie, this is not the time with people waiting at the
“And that so lamely and unfashionable that dogs bark at me as I halt by them”
(M) Willie, will you stop it and get the door
I can’t go to the door in my bathrobe, Mother. I’m not that eccentric
(F): If Connecticut is ever attacked by Rhode Island, this house will be the first line of defense
And the snow fell gently upon the little stable. And there, in front of it, was a manger made of wood, and in the manger was a boy-child
(Madge): Willie-boy
Madge, dear! And Aggie!
(Aggie) How is your arm? Are you in pain
Oh it’s much better, thank you for asking. Simon, how are you?
(Simon): It’s good to see you, sir
I see you’ve all arrived safely, despite wind and weather
(S) It’s getting pretty dicey out there
“Blow winds” eh and “Crack your cheeks”
(F) Spout Till you have drenched our steeples, drowned the cocks
But even then the morning cock crew loud. And at the sound it shrunk in haste away
(F): The knave turns fool that runs away
Where’s my fool? Ho! I think the worlds asleep
(F) To sleep perchance to dream
To sleep, no more
(F): Ha
Felix, you scoundrel! Were you making fun of me down here?
(F) Moi?
I do have the proof
(F): What in God’s name was that
My latest goody! Microphones here and here and I can turn them on and off all at the light switches
(S) How do you play it back
It’s called a “remote control” First presented in 1903 to the Paris Academy of Science and under development ever since. It sends signals through the air without wires. The military is starting to use them
(Martha): You darling boy. He always looks after me. Unlike some children I know who will remain unnamed
An ill-favored thing, sir but mine own
(M): He’s our butler. Can you imagine, we have a butler
I gave him the night off
(M): What?!
He looked tired and we’re all family really
(M) Oh, Willie, how could you?! With your bad arm you can’t even help me!
Oh of course I can help. Look: I’ve been meaning to do this for two days now. Frame it
(S) I suppose there’s been no progress finding the man who shot you
Well, the police are stuck but I believe I’ve found something
(Others) What/ But What/ What is It
Do you remember the note that was left at the stage door on the day of the shooting?
(A): I do. Old Noggsy told me the envelope was addressed to you, but the note was blank.
Exactly. And the police lost interest in it. But I’ve been subjecting it to some tests upstairs in my laboratory, and in the end it was a matter of trial and error. Take a look. It took a few tries but I mixed a little sodium carbonate into the alcohol, so it isn’t just the heat that’s doing it, it’s also the chemical
(S): Maybe it’s a German code. I mean with Hitler and all
Possibly. On the other hand - Aggie could you please hand me that Shakespeare on the bookstand? You see, most people don’t realize that when Sherlock Holmes says “The game is afoot” in the “Adventure of the Abbey Grange” he is in fact quoting Shakespeare
(S): And “I-I-I-1-3-5” is
Act 3, scene 1 line 135. At the marking
(S): What’s a watermark
An impression pressed into the paper when it’s manufactured
(M) Well, you’ve certainly made it a jolly Christmas, Willie
Oh, stop it. We shouldn’t jump to conclusions. Someone could have swiped the paper, in which case no one here is involved at all. Ladies and Gentlemen to the Swiper, Cheers
(M): Isn’t it wonderful dear?
Hm? Yes. Of course it is. Absolutely
(M) And you’re so brave to get married again after what happened the last time
Mother
(M) Well she is. I mean her husband died on their honeymoon, didn’t he? That’s what I heard
Mother, for heavens sake
(M): That’s what I heard. They say he was loaded. One of the richest men in the entire-
That’s it. I give up
(M): Oh Willie, stop it. I hate it when people beat around the bush. It’s like you and Penelope. You were married, she died, you miss her and there’s an end to it. And it makes you feel better when we talk about it, doesn’t it?
Yes it does
(All): The happy couple
Wait. Wait Hold on for a moment. I believe that our final guest has arrived and she’s pulling into the dock this minute
(M): Who is it?
Guess
(A): Is the in the show
No, not in the show, but in show business
(S): Do we know her?
Well you certainly know of her
(M): Willie, would you stop being coy! My God, he could drive Saint Joan to drink. Just tell us who it is
It’s Daria Chase
(S): I was in a play last year and appeared in a bathing suit. She wrote “Simon Brights audacity in the role was largely in excess of his equipment
Well, she’s clever at least
(A) Here, Here/ I Agree
Al right, fine. She’s writing a profile of me for Vanity Fair and she asked to come to one of our weekends. Now like it or not, Daria Chase is the most influential columnist in the country. Her profile of me will give us more free publicity that if I’d shot Lincoln. So I suggest that as a courtesy to me you are at least civil to Miss Chase and that you get off you asses and go greet her at the dock. Thank you
(F): You’re up to something, aren’t you?
You didn’t tell me
(A): I couldn’t. I didn’t have the courage
Courage?
(A): I didn’t want you to think less of me
But Simon is a fine fellow.
(A): He’s more that that
What I mean is
(A): I know what you mean. He’s ordinary. He’s “nice.” He’s easy to please. Well he is those things. And he’s in love with me
Are you in love with him?
(A): Of course I am. I wouldn’t have married him otherwise. And he’s very, very kind. When I needed him, he was there in an instant.
Of course he was
(A) But I was in love with you. You just. you didn’t ask me. I gave you every chance. I offered you everything
I know you did. And I was too foolish to take you up on it. I had some misguided notion that I was being loyal to my wife’s memory
(A): It’s been ten years since your wife died
Yes, I know
(A): Oh William
Aggie, listen. You’re going to be fine. The best man won. I’m sure of it. And for Heavens sake, just look at me. I’m old enough to be your slightly older brother
(A): Thanks. Thanks a million. It’s just that I.. I mean, I though that you felt something. You treat everything as a joke! Even that horrible attempt on your life
Not as a joke, my dear, but as a game, which is a different thing entirely. Look, we have chosen this mad life of ours, and we’d be insane not to accept it for what it is. Do I go to an office? No. Do I wear a tie to work? No. We’re actors. We wear silly costumes. We put on noses made of putty, for God’s sake. We don’t want to be grownups. We’re all Peter Pans and a good thing it is too. I don’t want to leave all the fun behind because I’ve reached some magical age of regret. That’s what they want us to do, you know, all those gray faceless accountants, and I won’t do it. I won’t. I don’t ever treat life as a joke - I treat it as the most glorious game ever invented. Love and heartbreak? Game. Life and Death? The greatest game the biggest adventure. Shakespeare got it right on the nose. Henry the Fifth charging into battle against overwhelming odds and what does he cry? :It’s all a game and if I diem I die.” So let them praise me, hate me or shoot at me - but at the end of the battle, I will have lived, even for a moment. And if you think you need Simon in order to live like that, then take him, by all means! Cling to him! Don’t hesitate for a second! I will, however, miss you unutterably.
(F): Gillette! Guess who’s here? It’s our old fried Daria Chase
(D): Merry Christmas! Oh William! My dear, sweet vulnerable man! How is your arm? Your heart? Your soul? Ah! After that ghastly shooting I thought I’d never see you again! That or I’d find you limping like a broken lion to the final watering hole
And here I am as right as rain and twice as healthy. Daria you look magnificent.
(M): I had Felix
(D): And didn’t everyone
Daria, let me introduce the rest of the clan. This is my mother, Martha Gillette
(M): We’ve met before. Very briefly, at a party. But I do read your column. In fact, I keep it right next to my bed in case I can’t get to sleep at night
Mother
(S): As do you
I didn’t know that you two -
(ALL): Oh my God / That’s amazing!
Why didn’t you tell us?
(D): No I mean the murder this morning
Don’t tell me you don’t
Do you know about it
I’m afraid I do. I was going to tell everyone after dinner
(A): Who was murdered
Noggs
(S): Stage doorman Noggs
I’m afraid so
(A): Oh no
The police asked me to identify the body this morning. It happened late last night, apparently
(D): I was there
Excuse me?
(S): Or natural causes, like a heart attack
That would be very comforting indeed, except his throat was cut from ear to ear with a razor blade
(A): Shh! Stop it! She’ll hear you
Let’s leave the doors open so we can hear the music, shall we?
(M): Are we still going through with it
Absolutely
