ACT II

Question 1

CECILY: Pray let me introduce myself to you. My name is Cecily Cardew

Answer 1

GWENDOLEN: Cecily Cardew? What a very sweet name! Something tells me that we are going to be great friends. I like you already more than I can say. My first impressions of people are never wrong

Question 2

CECILY: How nice of you to like me so much after we have known each other such a comparatively short time. Pray sit down.

Answer 2

GWENDOLEN: I may call you Cecily, may I not?

Question 3

CECILY: With pleasure!

Answer 3

GWENDOLEN: And you will always call me Gwendolen, won’t you?

Question 4

CECILY: If you wish.

Answer 4

GWENDOLEN: Then that is all quite settled, is it not?

Question 5

CECILY: I hope so.

Answer 5

GWENDOLEN: Perhaps this might be a favorable opportunity for my mentioning who I am. My father is Lord Bracknell. You have never heard of papa, I suppose?

Question 6

CECILY: I don’t think so.

Answer 6

GWENDOLEN: Outside the family circle, Papa, I am glad to say, is entirely unknown. I think that is quite as it should be. The home seems to me to be the proper sphere for the man. And certainly once a man begins to neglect his domestic duties he becomes so painfully effeminate, does it not? And I don’t like that. It makes men so very attractive. Cecily, mamma, who’s views on education are remarkably strict, has brought me up to be extremely short sighted. It is a part of her system. So, do you mind my looking at you through my glasses?

Question 7

CECILY: Oh! Not at all, Gwendolen. I am very fond of being looked at.

Answer 7

GWENDOLEN: You are here on short visit, I suppose?

Question 8

CECILY: Oh no! I live here.

Answer 8

GWENDOLEN: Really? Your mother, no doubt, or some female relative of advanced years, resides here also?

Question 9

CECILY: Oh no! I have no mother, nor, in fact, any relations.

Answer 9

GWENDOLEN: Indeed?

Question 10

CECILY: My dear guardian, with the assistance of Mrs. Prism, has the arduous task of looking after me.

Answer 10

GWENDOLEN: Your guardian?

Question 11

CECILY: Yes, I am Mr. Wothing’s ward.

Answer 11

GWENDOLEN: Oh! It is strange he never mentioned to me that he had a ward. How secretive of him! He grows more interesting hourly. I am not sure, however, that the news inspires me with feelings of unmixed delight. I am very fond of you Cecily; I have liked you ever since I met you! But I am bound to state that now that i know that you are Mr. Worthing’s ward, I cannot help expressing a wish you were–well, just a little older than you seem to be– and not quite so very alluring in appearance. In fact. If I may speak candidly–

Question 12

CECILY: Pray do! I think that whenever one has anything unpleasant to say, one should always be quite candid.

Answer 12

GWENDOLEN: Well, to speak with perfect candor, Cecily, I wish that you were fully forty-two, and more than unusually plain for your age. Ernest has a strong upright nature. He is the very soul of truth and honor. Disloyalty would be as impossible for him as deception. But even men of the noblest possible moral character are extremely susceptible to the influence of the physical charms of others. Modern, no less than ancient history supplies us with many most painful examples of what I refer to. If it were not so, indeed, History would be quite unreadable.

Question 13

CECILY: I beg your pardon, Gwendolen, did you say Ernest?

Answer 13

GWENDOLEN: Yes.

Question 14

CECILY: Oh, but it is not Mr. Ernest Worthing who is my guardian. It is his brother– his elder brother.

Answer 14

GWENDOLEN: Ernest never mentioned to me that he had a brother

Question 15

CECILY: I am sorry to say they have not been on good terms for a long time.

Answer 15

GWENDOLEN: Ah! That accounts for it. And now that I think of it, I have never heard any man mention his brother. The subject seems distasteful to most men. Cecily, you have lifted a load from my mind. I was growing almost anxious. It would have been terrible if any cloud had come across a friendship like ours, would it not? Of course, you are quite, quite sure that it is not Mr. Ernest Worthing who is your guardian?

Question 16

CECILY: Quite sure. In fact, I am going to be his.

Answer 16

GWENDOLEN: I beg your pardon?

Question 17

CECILY: Dearest Gwendolen, there is no reason why I should make a secret of it to you. Our little county newspaper is sure to chronicle the fact next week. Mr Ernest Worthing and I are engaged to be married.

Answer 17

GWENDOLEN: My darling Cecily, I think there must be some slight error. Mr. Ernest Worthing is engaged to me. The announcement will appear in the Morning Post on Saturday at the latest.

Question 18

CECILY: I am afraid you must be under some misconception. Ernest proposed to me exactly ten minutes ago.

Answer 18

GWENDOLEN: It is certainly very curious, for he asked me to be his wife yesterday afternoon at 5:30. If you would care to verify the incident, pray do so. I never travel without my diary. One must always have something sensational to read on the train. I am so sorry, dear Cecily, if it is any disappointment to you, but I am afraid I have the prior claim.

Question 19

CECILY: It would distress me more than I can tell you, dear Gwendolen, if it caused you any mental or physical anguish, but I feel bound to point out that since Ernest has proposed to you, he clearly has changed his mind.

Answer 19

GWENDOLEN: if t he poor fellow has been entrapped into any foolish promise, I shall consider it my duty to rescue him at once. And with a firm hand.

Question 20

CECILY: Whatever unfortunate entanglement my dear boy may have gotten into, I will never reproach him with it after we are married.

Answer 20

GWENDOLEN: Do you allude to me, Miss Cardew, as an entanglement? You are presumptuous! On an occasion of this kind it becomes more than a moral duty to speak one’s mind. It becomes a pleasure.

Question 21

CECILY: Do you suggest, Miss Fairfax, that I entrapped Ernest into an engagement? How dare you? This is no time for wearing the shallow mask of manners. When I see a spade, I call it a spade.

Answer 21

GWENDOLEN: I am glad to say that I have never seen a spade. It is obvious that our social spheres have been widely different.

Question 22

CECILY: Yes, the usual.

Answer 22

GWENDOLEN: Are there any walks in the vicinity, Miss Cardew?

Question 23

CECILY: Oh yes! A great many. From the top of one of the hills quite close, one can see five counties.

Answer 23

GWENDOLEN: Five counties! I don’t think I should like that; I hate crowds.

Question 24

CECILY: I suppose that’s why you live in town?

Answer 24

GWENDOLEN: Quite a well-kept garden this is, Miss Cardew.

Question 25

CECILY: So glad you like it, Miss Fairfax.

Answer 25

GWENDOLEN: I had no idea there were any flowers in the country.

Question 26

CECILY: Oh, flowers are as common here, Miss Fairfax, as people are in London.

Answer 26

GWENDOLEN: Personally, I cannot understand how anybody manages to exist in the country. If, anybody who is anybody does. The country always bores me to death.

Question 27

CECILY: Ah! This is what the newspapers call agricultural depression, is it not? I believe the aristocracy are suffering very much from it just at present. It is almost an epidemic amongst them, I have been told. May I offer you some tea, Miss Fairfax?

Answer 27

GWENDOLEN: Thank you. Detestable girl, but I require tea.

Question 28

CECILY: Sugar?

Answer 28

GWENDOLEN: No, thank you. Sugar is not fashionable anymore.

Question 29

CECILY: Cake or bred and butter?

Answer 29

GWENDOLEN: Bread and butter, please. Cake is rarely seen at the best houses nowadays.

Question 30

CECILY: Hand that to Miss Fairfax

Answer 30

GWENDOLEN: You have filled my tea with lumps of sugar, and though I asked most distinctly for bread and butter, you have given me cake. I am known for the gentleness of my disposition and the extraordinary sweetness of my nature, but I warn you, Miss Cardew. You may go too far.

Question 31

CECILY: To save my poor, innocent, trusting boy from the machinations of any other girl there are no lengths which i would not go.

Answer 31

GWENDOLEN: From the moment I saw you, I’ve distrusted you. I felt that you were false and deceitful. I am never deceived in such matters. My first impressions of people are invariably right.

Question 32

CECILY: It seems to me, Miss Fairfax, that I am trespassing on your valuable time. No doubt you have many other calls of a similar character to make in the neighborhood.

Answer 32

GWENDOLEN: Ernest! My own Ernest!

Question 33

JACK: Gwendolen! Darling!

Answer 33

GWENDOLEN: A moment! May I ask if you are engaged to be married to this young lady?

Question 34

JACK: To dear little Cecily? Of course not! What could have put such an idea into your pretty little head?

Answer 34

GWENDOLEN: Thank you. You may.

Question 35

CECILY: I knew there must be some misunderstanding, Miss Fairfax. The gentleman whose arm is at present round your waist is my guardian, Mr. John Worthing.

Answer 35

GWENDOLEN: I beg your pardon?

Question 36

CECILY: This is Uncle Jack

Answer 36

GWENDOLEN: Jack! Oh!

Question 37

CECILY: Thank you. You may.

Answer 37

GWENDOLEN: I felt as if there was some slight error, Miss Cardew. The gentleman who is now embracing you is my Cousin, Mr. Algernon Moncrieff.

Question 38

CECILY: Oh!

Answer 38

Gwendolen: Is your name really John?

Question 39

CECILY: A gross deception has been practiced on both of us.

Answer 39

GWENDOLEN: My poor wounded Cecily!

Question 40

CECILY: My sweet wronged Gwendolen!

Answer 40

GWENDOLEN: You will call me sister, will you not?

Question 41

CECILY: There is just one question I would like to be allowed to ask my guardian.

Answer 41

GWENDOLEN: An admirable idea! Mr. Worthing, there is just one question I would like to be permitted to put to you. Where is your brother Ernest? We are both engaged to be married to your brother Ernest, so it is a matter of some importance to us to know where your brother Ernest is at present.

Question 42

JACK: None.

Answer 42

GWENDOLEN: Had you never a brother of any kind?

Question 43

JACK: Never. Not even of any kind.

Answer 43

GWENDOLEN: I am afraid it is quite clear, Cecily, that neither of us is engaged to be married to anyone.

Question 44

CECILY: It is not a very pleasant position for a young girl to suddenly find herself in. Is it?

Answer 44

GWENDOLEN: Let us go into the house. They will hardly venture to come after us there.