Act I

Question 1

Howie: Not unless they trick or treat now. She threw stuff on me!

Answer 1

You are now protected, my son!

Question 2

Conrad: Wow! Can you come over to our house and do that?

Answer 2

Don’t tell me anything. Don’t say a word! I will tell YOU!

Question 3

Merle: It always comes back to your laundry, doesn’t it?

Answer 3

Yes, there is activity in this house. Much confusion, much deceit. You! There is more about you than we know, than you’re telling us!

Question 4

Merle: Well, my hobbies are skydiving and fossil hunting. And if you see my late Uncle Carl, tell him he still owes me sixteen bucks.

Answer 4

No….not that. You…and he! You do not enter houses as we do. Something off here…You…climb through windows?

Question 5

Conrad: Something about checking the house alarms

Answer 5

Could be. That could be. But there is more here! There is….DISTRESS! DISMAY! AGONY!

Question 6

Glenda: Conrad, take a pill!

Answer 6

This house…this house is a meeting place, a gathering place! Oh, there is much activity here!

Question 7

Lillian: Then this room, it is the heart of the house?

Answer 7

Yes. And you sensed that! You truly have the gift!

Question 8

Conrad: Give it back!

Answer 8

But wait! Lillian, you are not the only one.

Question 9

Howie: We do everything in the dark

Answer 9

Oh! Ohh! This is amazing!

Question 10

Howie: What, am I it?

Answer 10

You! You are also gifted! You are in contact with the spirit world!

Question 11

Merle: Him? He has trouble making a phone call!

Answer 11

Silence! You have the power! You do not know this?

Question 12

Lillian: Enough about him. I’m the one with the real talent, isn’t that so, Madame Zenobia? Isn’t that what you told me?

Answer 12

Oh! Yes! Yes, of course. You are my best student!

Question 13

Howie: She pays you, right?

Answer 13

Of course! What do you think; ghosts give me their Mastercards?

Question 14

Glenda: What was that?

Answer 14

It calls! It beckons! It cries out!

Question 15

Lillian: We must do something, we must help it!

Answer 15

I had better look in here before i decide on our next plan of action. You! Window climber.

Question 16

Merle: In the flesh. Apparently one of the few here who can say that.

Answer 16

Is this the kitchen?

Question 17

Merle: I’m sure they won’t mind our leaving, Percival!
Howie: But…

Answer 17

No, your leaving is no good. The loss of your aura would disturb the spiritual realm. We have been contacted. And it is because of those who are here now that they have chosen to reveal themselves.

Question 18

Merle: Couldn’t I just leave my aura here and come back for it later?

Answer 18

Besides, it is not you that’s called. It is your colleague.

Question 19

Howie: Me?
Lillian: Uhhh-

Answer 19

And her, and her!

Question 20

Lillian: It was directed at me.

Answer 20

Don’t have to be a mind reader to get that. But it helps.

Question 21

Glenda: Okay, but hurry.
Conrad: What?

Answer 21

Don’t you see? It is not you that’s saying this. It is the angry spirits in this house. They are talking through you.

Question 22

Conrad: No, she’s psychic!

Answer 22

Really? Does she have a medium? Where’s my card?

Question 23

Lillian: Will her aura upset the spirits?

Answer 23

Ach, what’s one more aura among friends? Hello, have you ever thought about the afterlife?

Question 24

Conrad: Let’s go into the kitchen where we can work.

Answer 24

Not in there! I haven’t investigated it yet.

Question 25

Glenda: I don’t like her.

Answer 25

I could feel that from here.

Question 26

Howie: You could feel that from Hong Kong!

Answer 26

You do have the power. I think it is time we talked.

Question 27

Lillan: But, Madame Zenobia, what do we do now?

Answer 27

You, my child, are ready!

Question 28

Lillian: I knew it! Ready for what?

Answer 28

To solo! You get to investigate the kitchen.

Question 29

Lillian: I get my own room!

Answer 29

And you - you go with her.

Question 30

Lillian: you said I could solo and -

Answer 30

And if you go into a trance? Who will be there to hear what you say? Spirits don’t chew their spinich twice you know.

Question 31

Glenda: Well, I need to check out the kitchen anyway. See if it’s big enough.

Answer 31

Good! You look for cabinet space and you look for ectoplasm.

Question 32

Lillian: I better get a jar!

Answer 32

And now, you two! What is the meaning of this?

Question 33

Merle: Well you could’ve K-O’d me with an ostrich feather when you walked in.

Answer 33

Ain’t it a hoot?

Question 34

Howie: Clara you look wonderful!

Answer 34

Isn’t this a getup? Surprised to see you guys as well, I might add.

Question 35

Merle: Where did you come up with this “Madame Zenobia” routine?

Answer 35

Hey, you think anybody is going to investigate the spiritual world with somebody named Clara Boyles?

Question 36

Merle: And all this flimflam works?

Answer 36

Well, remember what our patron saint P.T. Barnum said: there’s one born every minute. And every blessed one of them is willing to pay for a little contact with the great beyond. A little moan and little shudder and I’m rolling in the happy cabbage. Now. What’s your scam? What’re a couple of second story types such as yourselves doing here? And don’t give me that real estate jive; that’s the oldest con in the book.

Question 37

Merle: We broke in to rob the place.

Answer 37

But it’s up for sale?

Question 38

Howie: Listen, Merle, Clara here can help us!

Answer 38

How? And how much? Nah, forget the how “how,” just answer the “much.”

Question 39

Merle: And you do?

Answer 39

Hey, the spiritual stuff is my gig.

Question 40

Howie: And that’s where you can help us. Just go through some of your patented hocus- pocus and then concentrate on Glenda and Conrad.

Answer 40

I get the cue. Oh! The spirits are drawn here by only one thing. That which they lack, which they have lost, and cannot retrieve. And it is strong here, now. And that emotion is….love. Something like that, Howdy Doody?

Question 41

Merle: Just what I was about to tell her. The cops have already been here!
Howie: Not that -

Answer 41

The police?

Question 42

Merle: Something about some suspicious characters they’re looking for, which is the main reason I wish to skedaddle from the premises.

Answer 42

Hey I’m already hiding out from certain boys in blue. Sorry, boys, all bets are off.

Question 43

Howie: What!?!

Answer 43

We are blowing this crib as of now.

Question 44

Merle: We’ll adopt a stray cat, okay? What’s that?

Answer 44

Don’t you love this age we live in? Watch.

Question 45

Merle: You got the house rigged?
Howie: How?

Answer 45

I sneaked into the kitchen and planted the tape player before I made my grand entrance through the front door.

Question 46

Lillian: I think I may have made it mad!

Answer 46

YES!! I can feel it’s wrath! We have to evacuate and now!

Question 47

Glenda: I’ll get Conrad

Answer 47

Gently, my dear. We don’t want to upset the afterworld any more than we already have.

Question 48

Lillian: She used to be a cheerleader. Madam Zenobia, I am so sorry I agitated the spirits.

Answer 48

It’s not your fault, Lillian. Some of those guys are touchy.

Question 49

Conrad: Well, if anyone could do it -

Answer 49

I cannot be responsible for anyone beyond this point. Please, we much all leave the premesis! Before it’s too late!

Question 50

Lillian: How will we know when it’s too late?

Answer 50

I can read the signs.

Question 51

Larraby: Oh good, you’re all still here.

Answer 51

Nice fabric this, isn’t it?

Question 52

Larraby: Yeah, and right here in the neighborhood. It’s only a matter of time now before they show! And when they do we’ll nab ‘em!

Answer 52

OOOOOoooooooohhhhh! OOOOoooOOOOOoooohhh!

Question 53

Lillian: What is it, Madame Zenobia?

Answer 53

You ever heard people say, “The spirit moves up?”

Question 54

Lillian: Yeah

Answer 54

Now they want us to stick around!