Act I Flashcards
Howie: Not unless they trick or treat now. She threw stuff on me!
You are now protected, my son!
Conrad: Wow! Can you come over to our house and do that?
Don’t tell me anything. Don’t say a word! I will tell YOU!
Merle: It always comes back to your laundry, doesn’t it?
Yes, there is activity in this house. Much confusion, much deceit. You! There is more about you than we know, than you’re telling us!
Merle: Well, my hobbies are skydiving and fossil hunting. And if you see my late Uncle Carl, tell him he still owes me sixteen bucks.
No….not that. You…and he! You do not enter houses as we do. Something off here…You…climb through windows?
Conrad: Something about checking the house alarms
Could be. That could be. But there is more here! There is….DISTRESS! DISMAY! AGONY!
Glenda: Conrad, take a pill!
This house…this house is a meeting place, a gathering place! Oh, there is much activity here!
Lillian: Then this room, it is the heart of the house?
Yes. And you sensed that! You truly have the gift!
Conrad: Give it back!
But wait! Lillian, you are not the only one.
Howie: We do everything in the dark
Oh! Ohh! This is amazing!
Howie: What, am I it?
You! You are also gifted! You are in contact with the spirit world!
Merle: Him? He has trouble making a phone call!
Silence! You have the power! You do not know this?
Lillian: Enough about him. I’m the one with the real talent, isn’t that so, Madame Zenobia? Isn’t that what you told me?
Oh! Yes! Yes, of course. You are my best student!
Howie: She pays you, right?
Of course! What do you think; ghosts give me their Mastercards?
Glenda: What was that?
It calls! It beckons! It cries out!
Lillian: We must do something, we must help it!
I had better look in here before i decide on our next plan of action. You! Window climber.
Merle: In the flesh. Apparently one of the few here who can say that.
Is this the kitchen?
Merle: I’m sure they won’t mind our leaving, Percival!
Howie: But…
No, your leaving is no good. The loss of your aura would disturb the spiritual realm. We have been contacted. And it is because of those who are here now that they have chosen to reveal themselves.
Merle: Couldn’t I just leave my aura here and come back for it later?
Besides, it is not you that’s called. It is your colleague.
Howie: Me?
Lillian: Uhhh-
And her, and her!
Lillian: It was directed at me.
Don’t have to be a mind reader to get that. But it helps.
Glenda: Okay, but hurry.
Conrad: What?
Don’t you see? It is not you that’s saying this. It is the angry spirits in this house. They are talking through you.
Conrad: No, she’s psychic!
Really? Does she have a medium? Where’s my card?
Lillian: Will her aura upset the spirits?
Ach, what’s one more aura among friends? Hello, have you ever thought about the afterlife?
Conrad: Let’s go into the kitchen where we can work.
Not in there! I haven’t investigated it yet.
Glenda: I don’t like her.
I could feel that from here.
Howie: You could feel that from Hong Kong!
You do have the power. I think it is time we talked.
Lillan: But, Madame Zenobia, what do we do now?
You, my child, are ready!
Lillian: I knew it! Ready for what?
To solo! You get to investigate the kitchen.
Lillian: I get my own room!
And you - you go with her.
Lillian: you said I could solo and -
And if you go into a trance? Who will be there to hear what you say? Spirits don’t chew their spinich twice you know.
Glenda: Well, I need to check out the kitchen anyway. See if it’s big enough.
Good! You look for cabinet space and you look for ectoplasm.
Lillian: I better get a jar!
And now, you two! What is the meaning of this?
Merle: Well you could’ve K-O’d me with an ostrich feather when you walked in.
Ain’t it a hoot?
Howie: Clara you look wonderful!
Isn’t this a getup? Surprised to see you guys as well, I might add.
Merle: Where did you come up with this “Madame Zenobia” routine?
Hey, you think anybody is going to investigate the spiritual world with somebody named Clara Boyles?
Merle: And all this flimflam works?
Well, remember what our patron saint P.T. Barnum said: there’s one born every minute. And every blessed one of them is willing to pay for a little contact with the great beyond. A little moan and little shudder and I’m rolling in the happy cabbage. Now. What’s your scam? What’re a couple of second story types such as yourselves doing here? And don’t give me that real estate jive; that’s the oldest con in the book.
Merle: We broke in to rob the place.
But it’s up for sale?
Howie: Listen, Merle, Clara here can help us!
How? And how much? Nah, forget the how “how,” just answer the “much.”
Merle: And you do?
Hey, the spiritual stuff is my gig.
Howie: And that’s where you can help us. Just go through some of your patented hocus- pocus and then concentrate on Glenda and Conrad.
I get the cue. Oh! The spirits are drawn here by only one thing. That which they lack, which they have lost, and cannot retrieve. And it is strong here, now. And that emotion is….love. Something like that, Howdy Doody?
Merle: Just what I was about to tell her. The cops have already been here!
Howie: Not that -
The police?
Merle: Something about some suspicious characters they’re looking for, which is the main reason I wish to skedaddle from the premises.
Hey I’m already hiding out from certain boys in blue. Sorry, boys, all bets are off.
Howie: What!?!
We are blowing this crib as of now.
Merle: We’ll adopt a stray cat, okay? What’s that?
Don’t you love this age we live in? Watch.
Merle: You got the house rigged?
Howie: How?
I sneaked into the kitchen and planted the tape player before I made my grand entrance through the front door.
Lillian: I think I may have made it mad!
YES!! I can feel it’s wrath! We have to evacuate and now!
Glenda: I’ll get Conrad
Gently, my dear. We don’t want to upset the afterworld any more than we already have.
Lillian: She used to be a cheerleader. Madam Zenobia, I am so sorry I agitated the spirits.
It’s not your fault, Lillian. Some of those guys are touchy.
Conrad: Well, if anyone could do it -
I cannot be responsible for anyone beyond this point. Please, we much all leave the premesis! Before it’s too late!
Lillian: How will we know when it’s too late?
I can read the signs.
Larraby: Oh good, you’re all still here.
Nice fabric this, isn’t it?
Larraby: Yeah, and right here in the neighborhood. It’s only a matter of time now before they show! And when they do we’ll nab ‘em!
OOOOOoooooooohhhhh! OOOOoooOOOOOoooohhh!
Lillian: What is it, Madame Zenobia?
You ever heard people say, “The spirit moves up?”
Lillian: Yeah
Now they want us to stick around!
