Act 1, Scene 5

Question 1

Mar:

Yet you will be hanged for being so long absent.

Answer 1

Many a good hanging prevents a bad marriage.

Question 2

Mar:

You are resolute, then?

Answer 2

Not so, neither; but I am resolved on 2 points.

Question 3

Mar:

…or, if both break, your gaskins fall.

Answer 3

Apt, in good faith; very apt. Well, go thy way; if Sir Toby would leave drinking, thou wert as witty a piece of Eve’s flesh as any in Illyria.

Question 4

Mar:

Make your excuse wisely, you were best. (Exits)

Answer 4

Wit, an’t be thy will, put me into good fooling! Those wits, that they think have thee, do very oft prove fools; and I, that am sure I thee, may pass for a wise man. “Better a witty fool, than a foolish wit.” (Olivia/Malv Enter) God bless thee, lady!

Question 5

Oli:

Take the fool away.

Answer 5

Do you not hear, fellows? Take away the lady.

Question 6

Oliv:

I’ll grow no more of you: besides, you grow dishonest.

Answer 6

2 faults, Madonna, that drink and good counsel will amend; for give the dry fool drink, then is the fool not dry: bid the dishonest man mend himself, if he mend, he is no longer dishonest; if he cannot, let the botcher mend him. Anything that’s mended is patched: virtue that transgresses is but patched with sin: and sin that amends is but patched with virtue. If that this simple syllogism will serve, so; if it will not, what remedy? The lady bade take away the fool; therefore, I say again, take her away.

Question 7

Oliv:

Sir, I bade them take away you.

Answer 7

Misprision in the highest degree! Lady, “cucullus non facit monachum” that’s as much to say as I wear not motley in my brain. Good madonna, give me leave to prove you a fool.

Question 8

Oliv:

Can you do it?

Answer 8

Dexterously, good madonna.

Question 9

Oliv:

Make your proof.

Answer 9

I must catechize you for it, madonna: good my mouse of virtue, answer me.

Question 10

Oli:

…for want of idleness, I’ll bide your proof.

Answer 10

Good madonna, why mournest thou?

Question 11

Oliv:

Good fool, for my brother’s death.

Answer 11

I think his soul is in hell, madonna.

Question 12

Oliv:

I know his soul is in heaven, fool.

Answer 12

The more fool, madonna, to mourn for your brother’s souls being in heaven. Take away the fool, gentlemen.

Question 13

Malv:

…doth ever make a better fool.

Answer 13

God send you, sir, a speedy infirmity, for the better increasing your folly! Sir Toby will be sworn that I am no fox: but he will not pass his word for 2 pence that you are no fool.

Question 14

Oliv:

…though he do nothing but reprove.

Answer 14

Now Mercury ensue thee with leasing, for thou speakest well of fools!

Question 15

Oliv:

Now you see, sir, how your fooling grows old, and people dislike it.

Answer 15

Thou hast spoke for us, madonna, as if thy eldest son should be a fool; whose skull Jove cram with brains! For - here he comes - one of thy kin has a most weak “pia mater.”

Question 16

Belch:

How now, sot!

Answer 16

Good Sir Toby!

Question 17

Oliv:

What’s a drunken man like, fool?

Answer 17

Like a drowned man, a fool, and a madman: one draught above heat makes him a fool; the second mads him, and a third drowns him.

Question 18

Oliv:

He’s drowned: go, look after him.

Answer 18

He is but mad yet, madonna, and the fool shall look to the madman. (Exit)

Question 19

Mar:

…enter in the way of excuse, my lady will hang thee for thy absence.

Answer 19

Let her hang me, he that is well hanged in this world needs to fear no colors.