9 Worst Breakups - Calvin

Question 1

EVE:

June 13, 1984. Betty waits in a Denny’s for her boyfriend Derren, who has just gotten some exciting news about work. That’s when… Calvin arrives.

1

E

Answer 1

Walks onto stage and looks around Betty?

1

Question 2

BETTY

Yes?

2

EC B

Answer 2

Great, I’m Calvin Erickson, from MOB-N. I have a message for you.

2

Question 3

BETTY

I’m sorry, what’s MOB-N?

3

EC BC B

Answer 3

Messengers of Bad News. We’re like a courier service for unpleasant personal messages.

3

Question 4

BETTY

Okay… wait-

4

EC BC BC B

Answer 4

So, you are the significant other of Darren Brown, correct?

4

Inturrupts BETTY

Question 5

BETTY

Yes, but-

5

EC BC BC BC B

Answer 5

If you don’t mind, I’ll only be a few seconds. Darren has the following message: “Betty, I got a job in Nebraska. I’m sorry to say I don’t want you to folow me. I love you but I’m not in love with you. I hope you have a good life.” All right, well…

5

Interrupts BETTY

Question 6

BETTY

What the hell! Is this a joke?

6

EC BC BC BC BC B

Answer 6

Whoa whoa whoa… hey. Betty.

6

Question 7

BETTY

What?!?

7

EC BC BC BC BC BC B

Answer 7

Don’t shoot the messenger.

7

Question 8

BETTY

But… I’m upset.

8

EC BC BC BC BC BC BC B

Answer 8

Doesn’t matter. You can’t shoot the messenger. Everyone knows that.

8

Question 9

BETTY

Well what kind of a service is this?!? You give people bad news and then don’t allow them a chance to vent their feelings!?!

9

EC BC BC BC BC BC BC BC B

Answer 9

I admit. It’s a service for cowards. I’m not happy with myself most mornings, but… the job market’s tough out there.

9

Question 10

BETTY

Well I think the fact that you signed up for this job means that you should be able to take me yelling at you. The whole “don’t shoot the messenger” thing shouldn’t apply!

10

EC BC BC BC BC BC BC BC BC B

Answer 10

(N/a)

10

Question 11

MANAGER

Walks onto stage and approaches CALVIN and BETTY Sorry, is everything okay?

11

EC BC BC BC BC BC BC BC BC B M

Answer 11

(N/a)

11

Question 12

BETTY

No, it’s not!

12

EC BC BC BC BC BC BC BC BC B M B

Answer 12

Look, I just gave her some bad news and she started yelling at me.

12

Question 13

MANAGER

Whoa, ma’am. You cannot shoot the messenger. Especially in a Denny’s.

13

EC BC BC BC BC BC BC BC BC B M BC M

Answer 13

(N/a)

13

Question 14

BETTY

But that’s his job!

14

EC BC BC BC BC BC BC BC BC B M BC M B

Answer 14

(N/a)

14

Question 15

MANAGER

You work for MOB-N?

15

EC BC BC BC BC BC BC BC BC B M BC M B M

Answer 15

Yeah, up in Cochester.

15

Question 16

MANAGER

Oh nice. My sister just got a job at their corporate headquarters in Mesa.

16

EC BC BC BC BC BC BC BC BC B M BC M B MC M

Answer 16

I hear Mesa’s really nice.

16

Question 17

MANAGER

Hot but nice, yeah.

17

EC BC BC BC BC BC BC BC BC B M BC M B MC MC M

Answer 17

(N/a)

17

Question 18

BETTY

Hey! I just got dumped.

18

EC BC BC BC BC BC BC BC BC B M BC M B MC MC M B

Answer 18

(N/a)

18

Question 19

MANAGER

Ma’am, I’m sorry for your bad news. But you can’t yell like that. This is a family restaurant. And under no circumstances can you shoot the messenger. I mean God woman, have some dignity.

19

EC BC BC BC BC BC BC BC BC B M BC M B MC MC M B M

Answer 19

I’m sorry. You just can’t.

19

Question 20

BETTY

BETTY sits in her seat. Fumes. She puts her face into her purse and screams.

20

EC BC BC BC BC BC BC BC BC B M BC M B MC MC M B MC B

Answer 20

Can she do that?

20