10 Commandments of Observing and Decoding Nonverbal Communication

Question 1

What are the Ten Commandments of nonverbal communication?

Answer 1

1) Be competent observer of your environment
2) Observe in context
3) Learn to recognize and decode nonverbal behaviors that are universal
4) Learn to recognize and decode idiosyncratic nonverbal behaviors
5) Establish baseline behaviors
6) Observe for behavioral clusters
7) Look for changes in behavior
8) Learn to detect false or misleading nonverbal signals is also critical
9) Learn to distinguish between comfort and discomfort
10) Be subtle in your observations of others

Question 2

Commandment One: Be a competent observer of your environment

Answer 2

• Utilize concerted (effortful) observation.
• Many spend lives looking but not seeing.
• Sherlock: You see, but you do not observe
• Have situational awareness
• ## Use all senses (ex. smelling smoke in apartment)

Question 3

Commandment Two: Observing in context is key to understanding nonverbal behavior.

Answer 3

• Traffic accident - you expect everyone to be on edge and nervous (shaking hands, etc.)
• During job interview, applicant will be nervous initially and then it will dissipate. If nervous behaviors resurface again in response to certain questions, then wonder why.

Question 4

Commandment Three: Learn to recognize and decode nonverbal behaviors that are universal.

Answer 4

• Some nonverbal behaviors considered universal because they’re exhibited by most people despite cultural upbringing
• Smiling with eyes, frowning, etc.
• Lip compression (pressing lips together so they disappear) - universal tell that they are troubled and something is wrong

Question 5

Commandment Four: Learn to recognize and decode idiosyncratic nonverbal behaviors

Answer 5

• These are nonverbal behaviors unique to certain individuals
• Be on lookout for behavioral patterns in people you interact with regularly
• Provides more information on which to make your judgement

Question 6

Commandment Five: When you interact with others, try to establish their baseline behaviors

Answer 6

• Note how they look regularly
• How they sit, where they place their hands
• Usual position of their feet
• Usual posture and common facial expressions
• The tilt of their heads
• Where do they usually place their possessions
• Differentiate between normal face and stressed face
• When first meeting someone look at their “starting position”

Question 7

Commandment Six: Always try to watch people for multiple tells - behaviors that occur in clusters or in succession.

Answer 7

• Accuracy in reading people will be enhanced when you observe multiple behaviors
• Ex. business competitor displaying a pattern of stress behaviors, followed closely by pacifying behaviors, more confident they’re negotiating from a position of weakness

Question 8

Commandment Seven: It’s important to look for changes in a person’s behavior that can signal changes in thoughts, emotions, interest, or intent.

Answer 8

• Ex. child you normally likes to hug uncle but now all of a sudden is frozen in place, something may be amiss
• Behavioral changes can also reveal his or her interest or intentions in certain situations
• Ex. Guy standing by cash register and nostrils began flaring (nostril wing dilation) showing they were about to take action

Question 9

Commandment Nine: Knowing how to distinguish between comfort and discomfort will help you focus on the most important behaviors for decoding nonverbal communication.

Answer 9

• When in doubt as to what a behavior means, ask yourself is this looks like a comfort behavior (contentment, happiness, relaxation) or discomfort (displeasure, unhappiness, stress, anxiety, tension)
• Usually, you’ll be able to place observed behaviors in one of these two domains.

Question 10

Commandment Ten: When observing others, be subtle about it

Answer 10

• Analyzing nonverbal behavior requires you to observe people carefully
• ## Don’t make your intentions obvious, they’ll feel uncomfortable