Pre-Telly Monologue Flashcards
-start of act 2-
I would like to offer an apology for some of the things that have been going on here tonight. They are not nice things, and they are not right things, and I would like to state garrantorically that we do not want any children… that might be here tonight watching this to go home and try these things out for themselves. I am, of course, talking about… reading books. It is not normal for kids to behave in this fashion, it stunts the brain, wears out the eyes, makes kids ugly, stinky, fatty, sweaty, betty, boring, gaseous, and, crucially, it gives them varrucas… of the mind. Under NO circumstances do we condone such activities and we do so utterly without reservoirs. Can I just ask… how many people here have ever read a book? You, sir/madam, what is your name?
-says name-
Well,… Don’t take this the wrong way, but… Bookworm, bookworm, stupid little bookworm,… read all his/her books like a stinky little bookworm. You read books, like a… worm. Worms read books, you read books. Worms are stupid. You’re a… sworm. There!! Now, -name- will learn from that. It won’t stop him/her from reading BUT he’ll/she’ll never put his/her hand up in a theater again. Ladies and Gentleman, may I present to you today, the pinnacle of our achievements as a species, the very reason we bothered evolving out of unicorns in the first place.
