OPENING DOORS MONOLOGUE Flashcards
EMILY: Where I think it still is. Unless my dad found it and threw it away. #1
One time, when I was twelve, I shut my door while I was doing my homework – because the nose from the TV in the living room. And my mom made my dad take the door off the hinges right then and there. Not like the Incredible Hulk. He didn’t rip the door off and throw it down the hall. He used a hammer and a flat-head screwdriver.
He used a hammer and a flat-head screwdriver #2
And he put the door in the garage. So I got to see my bedroom door every time I went in there. Which was every day. Until I asked if it could be put back on my bedroom door frame. And then my mom told my dad to bust up the door with an ax. And he said, “No.”
And he said "No." #3
Which would’ve been funny if it wasn’t scary. Because when people stop doing what they always do, it’s scary. Because you don’t know what’s going to happen. The comfort of predictability evaporates.
The comfort of predictability evaporates. #4
So when my mom picked up the ax, I wasn’t sure if she was going to hack up the door or my dad. Seriously. In terms of percentages and probabilities, I think the door and my dad were about even money. In terms of getting hacked up. Or me. I guess I was an axable option, too, though I didn’t really think of it at the time.
I guess I was an axable option, too, though I didn't really think of it at the time. #5
Anyway, the door got it. Hacked up like kindling for a campfire. After that, everything was fine. Well, normal. Which wasn’t fine, and wasn’t normal, if you’re comparing it to what normal is for everybody else. Except that my mom never told my dad to do anything anymore. She didn’t talk to him. At all. From that point on.
From that point on. #6
And then that became normal. For a while. A couple years. Things become normal a lot quicker than two years but, after two years, you almost forget what the old normal was before the new normal became the only normal you know. Until it’s not normal anymore.
Until it's not normal anymore. #7
When I was 14, I was working on a 3-D graphing program on my computer in my bedroom. My mom said dinner was ready and I said “In a minute.” Because a minute was all I needed to finish what I was doing. And she came into my room with a wooden spoon and she hit my hands so long and so hard that I couldn’t bend my fingers anymore.
And she came into my room...I couldn't bend my fingers anymore. #8
And she grabbed my computer keyboard and took it out to the patio, threw it on the grill, poured lighter fluid on it, and set it on fire. Which made me not want to eat anything she cooked on the grill after that.
Which made me not want to eat anything she cooked on the grill after that. #9
And when I told a friend of mine what happened with the keyboard, he didn’t believe me. He said my mom would never do something like that. He said I was crazy and I need help. If he lived at our house, he would have a very different understanding of what my mom would and wouldn’t do.
he would have a very different understanding of what my mom would and wouldn't do. #10
But my dad and I were the only ones who lived in the house with my mom. Everyone else knew her from church or her volunteer work at the food bank or when she led a protest against violent video games. People can be different on the other side of the door. If there’s no door, there’s no choice.
If there's no door, there's no choice. #11
Maybe that’s why my mom didn’t want me to have a door. So I knew she was watching. So I knew everyone was watching. And expecting me to be good. And normal. Normal for everybody else. And not like her.
And not like her. #12
Maybe I’m giving her too much credit. Revisionist history. It makes it easier to sleep at night. It lets me stop looking in the mirror for signs of her in my eyes.
AYOOO BROO YOU DID IT.
