Never Split the Difference Flashcards
What is the name of the author of Never Split the Difference?
Chris Voss
What is the first thing Chris does when assessing a negotiation instance?
Pause, blink, mindfully lower heart rate
Robert Harris Mnookin is author of what text worth checking out for negotiating?
Bargaining with the Devil: When to Negotiate and when to fight
According to Chris Voss do nerves prior to negotiation ever go away?
No
How am I supposed to do that?
Well known and powerful follow up
Well known and powerful follow up
How am I supposed to do that?
I’m sorry (name)____ how do I know_____
Solid syntax to deescelate
Solid syntax to deescelate beginning with apologetic
I’m sorry (name)____ how do I know_____
What is the most powerful tool Chris Voss cites in the first chapter
Open ended questions
Another name for open ended questions being used with precision
Calibrated questions
I ask the same 3 to 4 questions until the other person gets worn out
Chris Voss quote from Harvard negotiation class
Human beings are primarily animals following emotions
Ways that negotiation should be perceived
Behavioral Economics
Man is an irrational beast. Feeling is the form of thinking
It is self evident that people are neither fully rational or nor completely selfish and their taste is anything but stable
Cognitive Bias
Framing effect
People respond differently to the same choice depending on how its presented
People respond differently to the same choice depending on how its presented
Framing effect
Thinking fast and slow
Book worth checking out. Man has two mental systems the first is primarily emotional and is the primary one with which we make decisions
Getting to Yes
Worth reading but not the most up to date book
BATNA
Best alternative to a negotiated Agreement
Negotiating is
Not a rational process
Optimal negotiating
Focus on the irrational and emotional aspects
Universally applicable premise
People want to be understood and accepted
Tactical Empathy
Listening as an active aspect
Conflict is inevitable between two parties in all relationships
Reasons why negotiation is important and should be implemented in a relationship affirming way
Reasons why negotiation is important and should be implemented in a relationship affirming way
Conflict is inevitable between two parties in all relationships
How questions
A gentle way to say no
Assumptions blind
Hypothesis guide
Great negotiators aim to use the skills they have to find the surprises they KNOW exist
Have several hypotheses regarding a scenario
Smart people think they have nothing to discover
Great negotiators are open to all possibilities
Using teams to hear someone out
Listening well is hard
Overuse of personal pronouns
Indicator of lack of of importance
Try not to preoccupy yourself with your own arguments
Actively listen
How many things can the concious mind focus on simultaneously
7-8
Consume yourself in listening
Focus entirely on listening to the individual you are negotiating with. Mirror body language
Make your goal completely listening to your counterpart
Identify your counterparts needs. Get them talking about what they want
Start with listening, validate their emotions create enough trust and safety for a real conversation to begin
Absolute necessities
Slow.It.Down.
Negotiations work better with time
Late night FM dj voice
Solid toolDeep soft slow and reassuring voice. The voice of calm and reason
Be the voice of calm and reason
Use body language vocal tone and empathy
Involuntary Telepathy
We are always signaling that which we are ready to do with our general emotional energy and context
Most powerful tool in vocal communication
Voice:3 types Fun and Playful (Use Mostly) Dj FM Dominant(Use Rarely)
Fun and playful voice
Relax and smile
Positive mindsets
Increases mental agility
Vocal Mirroring
Restating the last 3 words of the last sentence
Imitative Mirroring
Causes trust through similarity (You can trust me we are the same) we fear what’s different and love what’s similar
Mirroring vs. Positive Reinforcement
A study has shown that waiters who mirror make more money than those who render positive reinforcement
For a mirror to be effective you have to let it sit there and do its workv
It needs a bit of silence
How to deal with aggressive tactics
FM DJ voice Im sorry (name) (mirror) 4 seconds of silence
The relationship between an emotionally intelligent negotiator and their counterpart
Is essentially theraputic and resembles psych. Reflecting the synopsis to the counterpart so that they may change their behavior
Good negotiators identify and persuade emotion
For a good negotiator emotions are tools
It looks like…. it seems like….
labels that turn into open ended questions
Practices in Neuroresonance
Turn attention to someone talking near you or someone on tv. As they talk imagine that you are that person. Imagine yourself in that position and describe it as well as you possibly can
Address underlying emotions
Positive get amplified negatives negated
Top guys like to feel on top
They dont like to feel disrespected
Look I’m an asshole
Makes problems go away
Amygdala
Controls fear